This morning, I was lying on my bed, throwing my pillow up, attempting to hit the ceiling with each throw.  After awhile, I started thinking about what to do with my life, and here I am blogging away at 3am.  I think I've had my fair share of slacking around and watching telly series.  I'm going to start revising (slowly) for my last exam of my university life!  To be honest, I am feeling a bit apprehensive thinking about my future.  Sometimes I get quite caught up thinking about my death.  Is it going to be an accident?  Or will I die from supposed "natural" causes?  I contemplate the events that lead up to my death and wonder if they'll be of significance.  I wonder if I'll ever do anything important, and I worry that I don't make a difference, at all.  Then, sometimes, I wonder if anyone would miss me, or mourn my passing.  I think about other worlds, and other universes, and how the other Pamela Ngs of the various universes have led their lives.  

Maybe I'm a little too caught up with Fringe.  But this has happened even before Fringe.  The issue of death just makes everything seem so real, I suppose.  It makes you consider the daily acts you perform, because all of a sudden you realise that time is limited, and you need to make sure that things you do are significant.  Or should we always behave that way?  Feeling that time is limited and hence one ought to cherish every opportunity one has to be the best they can be.  Then again, some people would want the chance to be able to do nothing, and enjoy the time they have.  To live in the moment.  They don't see it as wasting time, because those precious moments are valuable to them.  It's precisely that they know they will die, that they do anything and everything they want to.  Behave irresponsibly, go on adventures, try new things.  

I don't know how I feel about the subject of afterlife.  I feel that... we should just live in the moment.  I feel that I am very small, in this universe of Gods and people.  I feel that I am invincible, for the ubiquity of my kind graces me with power to be whatever I want to be.  I feel like a mess of contradictions, intelligent yet clueless, willing yet unable; strong, yet weak. 

Maybe the powder for my cough is an overdose.  It's chinese medicine.  Bitter medicine.  I never liked bitter medicine.  

Maybe...