Kidding. I hate birthdays.
But I'm 23! Here's a half arsed attempt at my half arsed coordinates and half arsed smile.
Every year, 12 May is a bittersweet experience for me. I usually feel incredibly sad and angry. It's kind of a selfish reason; I hate that everyone makes out for your birthday to be special, for YOU to feel special on your birthday, and for you to have many people go out of their way to do special stuff for you, because it doesn't happen. At least I feel that my expectations are way too much. I suppose. So it's kind of my own fault, thus I usually like to spend my birthday moping about at home, being alone, keeping myself away from everyone else.
This year, I was made to leave my house by someone. Hence I felt a stronger sense of obligation to be happy, to be social - because I am that kind of person. So thank you, special person, for insisting I had to leave the house, to be happy, to enjoy myself.
Also, this year, I received many meaningful texts and calls. (': Thank you friends and family for remembering, and for the kind words, because they really mean a lot to me. I guess to a large extent, knowing that my presence in this world counts for something to someone gives me comfort. Will blog about my actual day and all these lovely friends some time soon!
A few days ago, I went to Zouk. I met a friend of a friend, who was really nice and friendly to me, who told me that he wished I would do badly in school so I would extend my studies by another semester, because he wanted a "cool senior". But when he wasn't with me and was with my close friend who had decided to join us at the last minute, that guy decided to give my close friend 'friendly' advice. He told my close friend that I'm "easy" and that he should "keep away from" me. If this had happened to you, what would your reaction have been? Of course, I had no clue that guy was this kind of judgmental person who would speak badly of someone he had just met and my friend only told me this the next day.
Now, you might be wondering why I'm including such nasty words in my birthday post. The reason is because I think I've genuinely hit 23. If I was younger, I would have been affected by such occurrences. But now, this kind of words don't hurt, and to be honest I was really amused. My close friend told me to ignore the guy, but really now, need he have comforted me? Because I'm absolutely certain that such words from people who don't matter honestly don't mean a thing. I've come to only care about people around me. I only care that they are safe and happy, that I can be a source of support and comfort to them, and that I can be a part of their lives.
I'm truly taken care of! I feel so blessed and glad. This birthday, SADLY I HAVEN'T HAD - and don't think I'm going to have - ANY CAKES *SOBS*, I wish for more knowledge, wisdom, and growth. I wish to become a better person, more patient, and be able to care for the people who matter. I wish that at this crossroads, I find purpose in my life, and work as someone who can bring happiness to other people's lives. I want to talk to more people and find out more, and I just want to be the best I can be!
(: More posts to come soon, sorry for the hiatus!
Labels: birthdays, bittersweet, personal, turning 23
