Today my mom accompanied me to get my neck and back checked out. I've had pains in my neck and back since I was in junior college, but they come and go; once in awhile it gets unbearable and I escape to the Chinese massage parlours (I know, sounds so lup sup) for some degree of relief (even more lup sup). Every press by the masseuse made me want to cringe and stiffen in pain but I had to try my best to relax or she would just press even harder. She is madly talented, but she is also madly expensive. I also had to get glucosamine pills for my knee, which has also been a problem for years. I'm prematurely ageing, as you can tell. That was also really expensive.
We then bought some fish soup for my granny, because she's having a flu and a cough, and my mom wanted to make sure she was alright. My mom was also having a flu, and it got progressively worse as we travelled to and fro in the heat to the incredibly chilling air-conditioned train. But she still accompanied me to get my wisdom teeth checked out in another place. That consultation cost money as well, and dang, ain't wisdom tooth extractions expensive little buggers? Bloody $1250 per tooth! My suckers are particularly near to my nerves, and I must get a CT scan on each side first, which costs an additional $300 each. WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE. Does everyone have to pay so much for wisdom teeth extraction?
My mom just said it's money that has to be spent, and I just feel so useless because I'm using her money, and also because she was looked so frail when saying it - the day was wearing her out. When we got home she hurriedly gave her face a wash but still took down the clothes, before taking a flu pill and getting some rest. I felt really useless and troubled, because I was giving her more issues to deal with.
People say the hardest thing to deal with is seeing your parents get old and lose the ability to care for themselves. Guan Yin (I've taken to saying this instead of God because well, I'm a Buddhist, but then again in Buddhism there are so many Gods, so I've decided to pick the one we pray to), please give me strength to make me be able to give back to my parents and let them have the best lives! I owe them so much, in monetary and non-monetary terms.
I feel so worried today, I feel so worried today. If at 23 I am plagued with so many troubles that need remedy and COST SO MUCH MONEY WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WHEN I'M A PROPER ADULT OH GOSH IS THIS RESPONSIBILITY SEEPING IN
$_$
$igh
Labels: Mommy, papa ng, worries
