So a few weeks ago, I was the victim of a nasty Facebook post. It was public and he made it clear that he would reveal my name to others if they asked him about it, so I'm sure he has no problem with me talking about it here.
Someone had accused me of calling him
"rude", "awkward", "smelly" and "wears ugly shirts". I honestly didn't say those things, so I was quite shocked that he would think that I had said those things about him, but I guess it's always easier to believe words and information passed to you from someone close to you, rather than believing someone whom you've never truly talked to in a one-to-one manner. I never said those things - I don't really like to talk much about people whom I don't know, or are not familiar with. Having been the target of numerous hate campaigns by acquaintances and strangers, I now take exceeding care to not make judgments of people I don't know, until I have the chance to interact with them and know them better, because I don't want to be like those people. Furthermore, I'm just really naive and...
lame, I suppose. When people are unkind, I search hard for a reason behind those actions; I just refuse to believe that people want to be unkind
for the sake of being unkind or mean. Thus if I have called you "rude" before, well, I probably also have tried to find out if there are underlying reasons for said rudeness. Perhaps you had a rough childhood where no family member cared to listen to your words at all, hence with others outside of your family, you find more cause and reason to force your beliefs on others to get validation and acceptance from others, and you come off as rude. I don't know. I try to find out. I tried to find out, really.
I know I said I was the victim, but it's only been my talking about what I had been accused of saying. Well, in that person's post, he also emphasised that my supposed actions had been somewhat surprising to him, because I supposedly talked bad about him behind his back while he had "
defended me against being labelled a slut because of her makeup and fashion choices".
When I first saw that phrase, I literally felt sick. How could anyone equate a person's appearance to her (let's be honest here, no one's going to accuse a guy of dressing like a slut) sexual activities? I was hurt because this wasn't the first time that someone had chosen to attack my makeup and outfit choices. I really let it get to me, and I cried really hard that night, because I just found it so unfair that people could take something that I love and use to hurt me.
But I recovered quickly. Being a practical person and having many people come to me for advice on such things, I just treated this incident as if someone else had been slandered instead, and reasoned with myself. Firstly, this person is someone whom isn't close to me and he isn't someone whose opinion I care for. If he has told others lies about how I'm such a person who slanders others, I have the faith that people will reserve judgment for until they meet me, then decide whether I am the person he accused me of being. Secondly, and more importantly,
MY DRESSING AND MAKE UP ARE IN NO WAY INDICATIVE OF MY SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR. I know that for a fact, and whatever anyone else thinks doesn't matter. I happen to like wearing bright and cheery clothes, and I love to try out different styles because it makes me happy to mix and match everything I have in my closet. My outfits are always dictated by my mood for the day; if I'm happy I wear bright colours and if I'm sad I tone down and pile on the black hues.
SO SUE ME IF I'M HAPPY MOST OF THE TIME AND CHOOSE TO WEAR BRIGHT COLOURS?
I respect the location and the occasion. In school, I don't wear revealing clothes, because I believe that as a student I was in school to study and learn new knowledge. There are other occasions when one can dress up, or dress down accordingly. Which brings me to my next point - I really wouldn't make a comment on whether you
smell or not (because honestly, who the fuck cares about smells and how is that even relevant? I mean, is it a defining feature for you to decide who your friends should be? Maybe your life partner who has to sleep next to you but really, no, just no, I wouldn't care much), and also, I honestly wouldn't comment on whether you wear ugly shirts. Just because I love dressing up doesn't mean that I respect or diss a person
based on that criterion. Whatever you choose to wear to school is your business. My wearing my outfit choices doesn't mean that I feel you have to dress the same way I do. It's just that I have an interest in clothes and when friends of mine are dressed well, I like to compliment them! It doesn't mean that I think that everyone else's dressing is dreadful. Also, I would never disregard someone based on their dressing.
As for makeup.... this is truly subjective. Everyone has their opinion on what is "too much" makeup and what isn't. Sometimes a girl can have just neutral makeup on her face but have red lipstick on and it's the "Wow you're wearing so much makeup" comment again; sometimes a girl can have a SHIT TONNE of product on her face but it's all very similar to her skin colour - the
no makeup makeup look - and nobody comments on it.
I've come to realise that I will never be able to please everyone on this matter, so I've chosen to stand up strong for what I like. Personally I love glamour makeup, dark, rich and really saturated colours, so most of the time I've a lot of colour on my face. But the thing is, I'm an advocate for change, and having the bravery to try new things and styles. I accept that friends will tell me that they feel that I look better with less makeup, and to wear less makeup. What I can't accept and don't like is when people judge me based on what I'm wearing on my face and on my body. This doesn't necessarily refer to negative comments; sometimes I receive well-meaning messages passed on to me by friends, telling me that their friends who only know me by face always get a shock when they find out I don't skip classes and I'm hardworking. While these are meant in goodwill,
it still shows that people make judgments based on appearances, and I really DESPERATELY wish for people to STOP doing that. I want people to be NICE to each other and create happiness for each other. I still feel happy hearing those comments though, because I know that people are trying to be nice when they say such stuff, and I appreciate the attempt to be kind and pleasant. I don't appreciate people calling someone a slut because of her clothes and makeup. So please don't think you're doing me a favour when you "defend" me against being labelled a slut because of my makeup and fashion choices. You're not doing anything great at all. I know that my choices about what I wear do not define me as a person.
I spoke to Andy about this matter, and he was a great help to me in trying to manage my emotions. He told me that there were two ways to settle this sort of conflict; one's to just ignore everything and let the other person just live with his misconceptions. After all, it would be a difficult thing to clear up when I don't really know where he got his information from. However, Boss said that I could approach the person and clear things up, because inevitably, there'd be a sense of injustice that I feel. I guess I'm kind of taking the second way, but not really, because I don't think approaching the person is a good idea but I'm also not entirely keeping silent on this. The reason why I'm not keeping silent is not for my own sense of injustice - though I do feel that it's really unfair I was accused of saying things I didn't - but for my loving friends and family who've always been supportive of me regardless of what I'm wearing, or what I'm not. (:
I really want to give a shoutout to these persons in particular:
Flea, Huda, Gannuer, Zhiwei: Thank you for never giving a fuck about what I wore on my face or body. You all just go along with the program, never questioning me about anything, but only complimenting me when YOU like my makeup/clothes, which I genuinely appreciate. LOVE YOU ALL
Alberta: I'm not really sure if you remember this, but a few months back when I showed you my recently taken passport photo, you immediately commented "Take passport photo can wear so much--" BUT you retracted your remark and said "can wear makeup one meh?" Babe I'm not sure if you know I realised your taking that "so much" back, but it was really heartwarming to know that while you felt that what makeup I had been wearing was a lot, you didn't want to say it lest it hurt me. It's really significant to me, I appreciate how thoughtful you were and always are! And if you don't remember this incident, I still love you for having always been very supportive of every style I try out (??) hahahahaah
Jiexin: Thank you for always being so nice regarding my makeup and asking me about makeup techniques and products! They just show that at least there's someone who pays attention to the different things I do and is interested. (: Thank you really for never judging me
Bryan: FOR LOVING ME WITH AND WITHOUT MAKEUP
Boss: Though you generally feel that I should wear less makeup you seldom comment on it and wtf la, you've seen my ugly duckling self since sec 2, that's enough to have scarred you hahahahahahaah
Yihan: 'cos you're who you are, thank you for listening to me
Cheryl my cutesy junior: I was actually feeling really upset and bumming around at home eating myself to oblivion, but you commented on my makeup tutorial on Youtube saying "rooting for you!" That notification made me watch my makeup tutorial again, and I rediscovered the joy of well, applying makeup. I genuinely feel contentment talking about makeup to others! Thank you my lovely junior for giving me strength! (:
and lastly, to
Me, myself and I: Here's a reminder to you, Pamela, to always do things only if they please you, to never be superficial, and to always, always, always be kind.
Please feel free to talk to me if you have any issues regarding cyber-bullying, makeup, or just people in general and need a listening ear! I would love to help in any way I can. (:
Love,
Pamela
Labels: cyber-bullying, dont judge a book by its cover, friends, hate, how judgmental are you, Love, makeup, superficial, thoughts
