I think about death a lot.
Today whilst in the car, heading out for breakfast, I put on my earphones to my music, and watched my parents talk in the front seat. A thought popped into my head - why am I listening to music instead of conversing with them? When will I get the chance to talk to them when they're dead?
//
I am awfully naive. It's not smart to put your happiness in someone else's control. But I'm not doing that. I have friends, I go out with my friends, I go out with my family, I have my own interests and activities. But you are not there. And it's okay with you.
I give myself 2 years. 2 years to get used to this sort of non-treatment. 2 years to grow up and be able to handle such pain on my own. I think I'll get there. I'm sure I will. So many times this has happened, and it's just small steps to reaching that sort of understanding.
//
stop crying, pamela
