There was one time when I became really frustrated with a friend because of her refusal to hang out with the bunch of us. She said I couldn't understand how tiresome it was for her to be thinking about money issues and sorting out how to pay for shared dinners, things like that. She said it was demoralising that people seemed to be achieving great things and going places while she was struggling to get by from day to day, paying her own college fees. I chided her for those thoughts and promptly told her that the bunch of us would pool money together to buy her ice cream just to make her feel better. Which is true, we would. We would have an ice cream pool. But the thing is: everyone needs help. Friends would always help. I didn't understand why she had to be Alone in her unhappiness or difficulties, why she wouldn't ask us for help or want us to help, even. But I think what I didn't really understand is that sometimes you'd just get really dejected thinking about the inevitable questions people put you through, either out of innocent curiosity or goodwill, and having to face the negative emotions said questions bring out in you because it does seem that you're a fuck-up and you're completely useless. Some time recently I faced such feelings and I started declining meet-ups with friends or just appearing for a short while so I wouldn't have to go into much detail my emotions. I just gave up trying for a little bit and I felt like dying.
Today it so happened that I spoke to my friend about a similar issue. And as I encouraged him and tried to cheer him up, I realised that it's really very important to have a support group. Just as I needed those people around me to tell me that the difficult times will also pass, I was telling my friend that it's absolutely alright to be feeling inadequate. At least you're aware that there's some area of improvement and more crucially, you are TRYING. I think some people just take a longer time to understand their strengths and know their good qualities. For some people, waking up and crawling out of bed to get water are already the day's triumphs. We cannot judge without fully understanding what is crippling them. I will be amazing. I will be amazing. I will be amazing.
I write about my everyday experiences & pen down my thoughts in this lil' space.
I read, listen to music, have a passion in language, love makeup and most of all, I observe. I really like learning.
I love making a difference.
All information and pictures on the blog are property of Pamela unless stated otherwise. Please ask for permission before using any information from this blog, thank you!
