If you're someone who stays up late like me, you probably have these moments too. You know how when everyone else in your family retreats one by one to their beds, and you're finally left with quiet in the house? Besides the occasional car cruising into the carpark, there's really not much noise. Put on your earphones, listen to new music. Reply the odd text from three, four days ago. Text a random message to someone else. "Hi. Are you alive?" You're not okay. Your mind tries to grapple with this fact, but it's a little difficult. The tears trickle down slowly, just one drop at a time. Either you tell someone you're not okay, or you don't. Both ways just lead to more tears. You know how crying is cathartic? Well, it only is, sometimes. Sometimes your eyes are filled to the brim with wells of sadness, emotion, and just so much to bear that when the red hot tears spill over, you're left with an overwhelming sense of relief. That keen sense of having done something for the sake of doing it. Done. You dust imaginary specks off your pants and get up off the floor. Sometimes it isn't like that. Sometimes, the tears just keep flowing and flowing. And you sit on the floor, you sit there, just staring lifelessly at your limbs, thinking about your hurt, thinking about how much you shouldn't be hurting, thinking about how fortunate you already are, you're goddamned lucky compared to so many others, feeling the shame roll over your body, but you just can't stop, and it's as if the tears will continue forever, and their release doesn't bring any form of relief whatsoever, they're just soaking your shirt in big, ugly drips, and the snot is building up in your nose and you blow your nose in a tissue; some small part of your conscience prods you and goes in a snide manner "If you can bother to clean up snot you've probably not hit rock bottom yet, have you?" What is rock bottom but perception of depth anyway? I'm sorry, you've probably never had such moments before.
I write about my everyday experiences & pen down my thoughts in this lil' space.
I read, listen to music, have a passion in language, love makeup and most of all, I observe. I really like learning.
I love making a difference.
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