Recently, my mind has been subsumed by thoughts of and conversations relating to work. I haven't been able to get the voices in my head to shut up, much less get restful sleep. Due to the lack of proper rest, I fell ill last week, and it got worse this week; I got a throat infection. I've just been in a state of not knowing - and quite drugged up with antibiotics, paracetemol and the like - for a couple of weeks, and yesterday I called Hudidoo not really expecting her to pick up the call, because I thought she'd already have been asleep due to an early morning the next day, but she did! It'd totally slipped my mind that it was the September holidays. I spoke to her for close to an hour and I was rambling on and on without really giving her enough of a context of much of what was going on, but she just listened to my random shouts of HOW HUDA HOW and to bursts of tears. She also gave advice, and she told me to breathe. That's much appreciated. I didn't realise I was holding my breath (figuratively, I WOULD HAVE SUFFOCATED) until she told me to breathe. Have you properly taken in a huge inhalation of air before? I wouldn't recommend it now, not with the bloody haze being the way it is, but that act of inhaling deeply really does calm one down. I slept properly that night. Thank you for that, Mrs. Twit! Thank you for your words of wisdom and your awful sense of humour - I burst out laughing in the train a couple of times just texting you. Thank you for lightening my heavy heart and thank you for never giving up on me. I love you to the stars and back. // I recently watched Hedwig and the Angry Inch, the film version. It left me with many questions; it made me feel really sad, it awed me and disgusted me at certain points. But I really liked this track:
Watch the animation! It really accompanies the song lyrics really well. I think the track just reinforced my thoughts on the questions of how 'feminine' and how 'masculine' we should be, or whether these concepts are even valid, if we are shoehorning ourselves into categories, and thinking about cultures that accept third/multi genders and I don't know! It just kept me thinking and thinking. I'm twenty four and I really honestly don't know what I'm doing with my life. But I think the process is the whole point, right? How long will it take for me to be able to deal with this abstract concept adequately?
I really miss having conversations with people... Heartfelt conversations in the dim lights, with souls being poured out and hugs and palm to palm contact.
Sometimes people ask me what I blog about, and when I answer "It's my thoughts and perceivedness of the things and people around me," they question in a snarky manner, "So it's like your online diary?" I don't know why I occasionally feel a tinge of embarrassment at that. There's nothing wrong with penning down my thoughts when... they help me, and they help others, or even if they don't, what's it to anybody at all? But most of the time people are nonjudgmental.
There was one day I was walking along the path next to Beach Road to work, and I saw a lady in a really well put together and sophisticated blue top & skirt coordinate! I stopped in my tracks and said to her, "Hi, I really like your outfit. You look nice!" She thanked me.
Another day, I danced to my music in the lift while waiting for it to reach the third floor and it shook. Pretty hard. I laughed at myself for I felt silly at that moment.
I wish there was more laughter in my life right now. That is all.
I write about my everyday experiences & pen down my thoughts in this lil' space.
I read, listen to music, have a passion in language, love makeup and most of all, I observe. I really like learning.
I love making a difference.
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