PUNK ROCK PRINCESS

Fighting a losing battle

2012-01-31T00:51:00.001+08:00

You're waiting by the phone
Yeah just hang it up we promise you
You'll never be walking alone

We'll make this world ours
Yeah just come along we promise you
You'll never be walking alone

*

I love, love, love swedish house mafia

Shoutout

2012-01-29T23:03:00.001+08:00

Again, I am grateful for my two best friends because speaking to them calms me down; I have faith in myself when they do.

To Ms Ng Yoke Cheng and Ms Noorhuda Amalina, you two are the best friends ever, that one Pamela Ng could have.

Love you two like mayonnaise. <:

2012-01-28T16:21:00.001+08:00

Bawling away like a kid that's been pushed off the playground swing.

Realised sometimes the moments when I cry my hardest, it's because of schoolwork. I feel fucking stupid. Why do some people just seem to be so much smarter all the time?

)':

2012-01-27T09:33:00.002+08:00

Everytime I start to feel sad, angry, jealous -- any negative feeling, I think about the advice you gave me. I think about the flaws you said I had, that I needed to change, to be a better person. I never truly believed until you unearthed every little detail about myself.

So now, whenever I have a choice to take a step back, rather than acting on that small little negative feeling, I do the former. I want to be a better person.

2012-01-27T00:28:00.003+08:00

Slightly freaked out now because Nuffnang states someone googled my blog with stuff from one of my tweets *-*

My life not that interesting, okay!!!

niggling feelings

2012-01-27T00:18:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, I started the day off in good spirits; I had woken up earlier to head to biz canteen to purchase a salad to keep it aside for lunch. On the way to school I was even sending Huda encouraging peptexts telling her to not be down! Because I saw her tweet about being exhausted and having to be up for an 8.30am lesson. At that time I had this niggling feeling in my mind that I probably shouldn't be so chirpy in the morning because of my belief that when you start off a day being happy, it tends to go downhill and bad stuff would start happening to you. IT'S SUPER SUPERSTITIOUS AND TOTALLY IRRATIONAL, I KNOW, but I'm like this. Conversely if y'start off your day like crap it can only get better. :D But because of that gut feeling, I actually felt quite amused the whole day, because my prediction did come true.

The western food stall didn't have salads in their fridge -- I WAS GREETED WITH HEADS -- that's how y'call it right? Not balls? LOL -- OF LETTUCE. *-* At that time I was a tad amused already; "Was this the start of my bad day?" I was mulling over that. Got myself a salmon & egg sandwich instead.

Media seminar went okayyyyy though I felt quite.. lame because I didn't really understand what was going on. We were released early, because one group presented instead of two. So, at 11am, Zhiwei the dearest accompanied me to UHC (NUS' University Health Centre) to consult a doctor on the state of my sore throat and flu. HEEHEE the missy has always gone with me to the doctor's!! I am so lucky. (: Thank you m'dear. Enquired about the waiting time, because the queue was sooooooo long, and I had to return later because I had Soci lecture at 12pm.

Got myself an iced coffee, and slowly trekked my way from YIH to Engineering. D: Even though it was the third week of school, and I assure you that I didn't play truant for the first two lectures, I GOT FRIGGIN' LOST. I MADE A WRONG TURN SOMEWHERE AND COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET BACK. *faints I bumped into Zhiying though, right after that I realised I was somewhere... foreign. Followed the signs to LT7a but all of the sudden they went missing. Had to swallow my pride and ask for directions, thank goodness I wasn't far away.

Headed inside the lecture theatre, and sipped my coffee while waiting for the lecturer to turn up. It was odd because it was close to twelve already and many people from the previous lecture were still milling about discussing about the handing up of tutorials. When it was 12.05pm, there were about fifty plus, sixty plus people in the LT, and I was wondering about the day which the same lecture, held in Arts, was held on. About the same time my brain realised it was one of the days of CNY, a guy seated at the back of the LT went "Hey, those of you who are here for Making Sense of Society.. I think there isn't any lecture today."

O:

HOW UNFORTUNATE CAN MY DAY GET!?!??!

Left the LT after thanking the dude for confirming my suspicions. Feeling foolish, I realised that I had to wait even longer for UHC to re-open after lunch hours. ): If I'd known about lecture being cancelled, I could've just waited from 11am onwards! Sigh. Yes yes, it was my own fault for not checking the schedule -- but the lecturers didn't make an announcement at all.. *twiddles fingers OKAY OKAY blaming myself, taking full responsibility.

Luckily Jasper & the rest were having lunch, so I went to join 'em and had my second half of the sandwich! :D Also bumped into Gaya & Nithiya which was awesome. :D

Throughout the day, I was really, really amused. You might think I'm crazy because I had such an unfortunate day wasting so much time, but because I had predicted it somehow, I was prepared for it HAHAHAHAAH. Now you KNOW I'm crazy, not just think it. But honestly! It was like having a private joke with myself.

I don't know why I'm so blur these few days but I was also almost late for my soci makeup tutorial because my brain had calculated all preparation times for an one-hour tutorial instead of a two-hour one. Managed to make it on time albeit the horrid waiting time for A1 at Kent Ridge. Am pretty happy because Sheela remembers me from Singapore Society tutorial! :DDDDD Sounding like a mega creepster but she is the prettiest and most intelligent T.A I've gotten, lolololol. She offered to help if I have questions with any soci modules, which is awesome of her!

TODAY a guy ran to get the last seat in the train. I was slowly making my way towards it, so I was a tad taken aback. When he made eye contact with me, I could see guilt in his face. LOL I'm dramatising. Maybe he didn't give a shit. I tweeted "Chivalry is dead. Guy RAN to get the last seat in the train."

While on the way home with Melcher, I was telling him about it. He said he wanted to reply "But I'm not dead!" which is pretty true, he is damn nice and I realised he always pulls open doors for me. Of course I'm not claiming all guys aren't gentlemanly anymore, it was just a tweet. Moreover there are feminists who'd slap me for expecting differential treatment, heh.

Melcher also said "Yeah I saw it" when I mentioned my tweet. It made me ponder the changes in the ways we connect with each other now. I recall, in primary and secondary school, it was always conversation-based, where we'd go "Oh yesterday I did this, I went to this, she said this, he did this" and so on. Now, when I bring up something that I had either blogged about or tweeted, it's highly possible that my friend would have seen it prior to my mentioning it. In this particular case, he could have either waited for me to continue giving him details about what had happened, or tell me that he'd seen my tweet and hence knew some information. He did the latter, which allowed for me to continue on without providing additional information. I AM AMAZED AT A. HOW TECHNOLOGY HAS CHANGED OUR LIVES B. HOW DYNAMIC CONVERSATION IS

Regarding A, it really allows for friends who don't meet up regularly to know, to a certain extent, how another is doing. That also depends on how much information one lets another know online, but yeah. Most of us have a Facebook account, yeah? :D That being said, it also makes for conversation topics to be more interesting than the daily going ons of life! It really makes one delve further into random topics. We talk a lot more about what we did, when, where, those kinda stuff. In my opinion anyway. Regarding B, I just think the two way paradigmatic feature of face to face conversation is so dynamic. *bounces* I love talking to people! Conversation is so not.. stale. I had to immediately jump to other stuff when Melcher said he had seen my tweet.

I think my medicine is getting to me. HAHAHA was this a load of rubbish to you! This is what goes through my mind. A lot of random thoughts... which I have problems succinctly expressing. Hurhurhur.

Today:
- Had dinner with Ng Yoke Cheng, after which we traipsed back to her house to chill. Where chilling involves beer, and where said beer for today failed miserably. SISSY OF BEERS. I always fall asleep on her couch. It is too comfortable.
- Bumped into Yihan in his army uniform! He looked taller. He said I didn't look ill. Which is a good thing, I suppose.
- Didn't dress the way I felt. D: I still have the mind of a secondary school kid!

The doctor offhandedly remarked that my condition would worsen in the next few days. D: I hope I recover pretty soon; it sucks having to breathe through my mouth. One good thing came out of having to go to UHC though -- I found out that I had lost weight! I am one kg away from my ideal weight. (: STRANGELY though, I have been pigging out during CNY, eating steamboat for dinner for two straight days, and snacking on EVERY SINGLE CNY GOODIE I spot in ANY house, aren't I supposed to gain weight? D: I think it's the chores. The physically strenuous mopping and vacuuming and wiping and dusting and climbing up and down. I SHALL MOP THE FLOOR TMRW TO ATTEMPT TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I don't know why people lose their appetites when they're ill. My appetite is monstrous when I'm ill. Yesterday, after having meekia for dinner, I had two egg tarts and ten pineapple tarts for supper. Yeah man, that is how scarily I eat. *-*

Shall go off to find more food. G'night, kiddos!

Ohayo!

2012-01-25T05:15:00.000+08:00

TIME. TO. GET. MY. HEAD. ON. THE. RIGHT. WAY.

D:

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS

2012-01-24T00:41:00.000+08:00

Please disregard previous entry

Flu medicine makes me sad

so lost\confused again

2012-01-24T00:16:00.000+08:00

Having the worst sniffly nose now, keep tearing up when I sneeze. THIS IS A SUCH A GREAT END TO CNY, NO? D: Meep. Well but today was an awesome day spent being silly, and eating steamboat. Shall update with photos soon.

Listening to Tom Delonge now, and I feel really comforted. I used to be afraid of the beginning of I Feel So, because it resembled the tinkerings of a circus show, and it made me think of clowns.

I shall head to bed now, with medication upsetting me, and the general letdowns the opposite sex have put me through. I know everything seems bleak now, but..

But..

I don't really have anything to add on to that.

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
wish I could feel no pain

i feel so\boxcar racer

2012-01-23T00:24:00.002+08:00

HAPPY CNY :D

Since I'm online, I shall wish every one of y'all a prosperous and happy lunar new year! May your kids grow more chubby, may you eat fabulous steamboat, may you have the best year with happiness and smiles! :D

For now though, I've caught a sudden cold and am suffering from a sore throat from two slices of bakkwa and two ferrero rochers. My throat damn weak ah?!!?

2012-01-22T16:17:00.001+08:00

Rewarding myself with a slice of bak kwa now, because I just vacuumed and mopped both floors. This CNY, I've been a maid. Also, the mop somehow ripped one of my toenails half off so it's hurting like a bitch now. Am preparing myself for the pain when I put qing cao you later ):

S-T-A-R, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!

2012-01-22T10:29:00.002+08:00

I THINK I'LL BE FINE; I FEEL TOTALLY '90s AS I'M LYING ON THE GROUND

IN MY SMOKIN' UNDIES

BACK \o/

Alex Metric!

2012-01-22T02:05:00.002+08:00

;_; I have no words. Music, y u render me speechless?

.

I went to Zouk with Lenee a really long time ago -- like last August or something? -- for Alex Metric! I picked up her in a cab.

Truthfully, there've only been a couple of times that I've not taken a cab to Zouk before, simply because I'm always late *-* TRYING TO CHANGE THOUGH, cab fare is mad ex these few days. ): Nowadays I try my best to only cab from town.

Lenee! :D

Love you max, primaryschool bestie!

I wear more complicated stuff to club nowadays hahahahha. Was always always trying to wear black to look skinny but evs, way past that now. BONE STRUCTURE CAN'T BE CHANGED

She had brought her polaroid along, as I had my camera!

Yeah we delved into the cordoned off area at the side to take photos! Before queuing to get chops

Went to queue up, and bumped into her friend, who helped us take a photo using Lene's digital camera! Lololol Idk why the two of us bring so many cameras to go clubbing.

After awhile, Lenee's friends from SIM came! I swear I had the best fun with this group of people hahahahahaah. They love drinking. Got introduced to flaming lambo by them!

Lenee, Weiyang & Poon :D

The girls! Vanessa had just celebrated her 21st. :D

SPOT THE SCARY CAUCASIAN DUDE behind us!

Still lurking hahahahaha

Oh yeah, all photos credited to Lenee! (: All these were mostly taken at Winebar. I seldom go there because I always hit the dancefloors instead of chilling, heh.

Bing Hong & Weiyang trying to imitate us ):

Terence and me! :D

The bromance is amazing :3

This should be after the flaming hahahhahaha

And Lenee has converted from a BB to an iPhone!! Haahahahahaha. I stopped using my lousy omnia too. My hair has since undergone major changes, too. Wahahaha.

Happiness induced from awesome company, awesome music and being high make for a good photo!

Met a boy who wore Versace. I need to stop this obsession with scents hahahahaha. And tall boys. But still.

I should just focus on all these!:

Pretty drinks: Apple shooters. Someone told me that these seem harmless but if y'drink enough of 'em the kick will come in gradually and you'd get damn high. IT'S DAMN SWEET AND NICE. Tastes really harmless hahahahahahaha. Not like flaming

Anyway, Alex Metric was good! ^-^ But Lenee's friends preferred Phuture's music so yeah, followed 'em mostly. But NOW, I realised, I'm quite scary -- I like to run about places myself and I cause my friends to worry when I just suddenly disappear. :x But the best place to look for me is on the podium? :D

End of the world. One of my fav tracks! Was my happy song for awhile. Pretty ironic, no? Heh.

Love the music for this, not so much the vocals.

I'm getting old, can't remember where each track appears O: NUUUUUUUU.

Lene and I went to Zouk again recently -- I think I'll update about that soon, and you can witness the differences a mere four months can achieve! Heehee. :p

Discovered this in my phone! From the day I accompanied Da to get her hair done

Though hair is mega messy, at least effort to put falsies is (I HOPE) appreciated! :D

This is sucha half-arsed update hahahahahaha. Can't wait for CNY day 1 to come so I can finally have my steamboat dinner. D: Ever since the 'rents bought CNY goodies back I've only had TWO measly slices of bakkwa. I cannot even bring across to you how much pain that is and how much SELF-RESTRAINT I've had to wield. ): I love bakkwa. But Madame is a bit too fat for pretty photos nao, so I'll have to wait till CNY day 1 is over first! That's when photos would have been taken hahahahaah.

I'm going to try to sleep. I WISH I WAS AT ZOUK NOW *BAWLS

2012-01-21T03:47:00.001+08:00

Clubbing life, I rescind my farewell.

2012-01-20T01:18:00.000+08:00

The smell of durians permeates the air.

My head is pounding.

This happened the other day: @paaamelajf Just fell completely on a boy when A1 lurched forward. Am utterly embarrassed. *-*

I swear the bus driver kept on braking and moving forward at the strangest moments. I'd like to think my sense of balance is okay, but that day my entire self fell on the guy next to me and there was a good few seconds where I was helpless because I couldn't right my body back. Thank goodness he didn't take offence.

Kevin tweeted this: NUS ISB. Matchmaking on the sidelines RT @paaamelajf Just fell completely on a boy when A1 lurched forward. Am utterly embarrassed. *-*

Which amused me to no end. I sometimes marvel at how witty people around me are. Their tweets prove it!!

Brain's frazzled. Goodbye.

2012-01-19T21:10:00.001+08:00

After the breakup, I kept reading books about death, loss, breakups, love, rejection, pain. I read books that made me feel empty and left me not knowing what to do after I shut them. When one's perception of love is proven wrong, he looks to others in hopes of knowing what truly is. But there isn't any standard definition.

I think I'll never ever find out.

MY LOVE AFFAIR

2012-01-19T18:07:00.000+08:00

I just watched the Zoukout 2011 video & I feel so sad for not going for Armin van Buuren. Only started listening to his stuff more recently. Yihan describes him as epic trance, and I must say that it is rather apt.

I love how, when I was chilling with Flea in her living room, using her laptop on the widescreen teevee, when the bass kicked in, she immediately gave this -- happy -- expression and started grooving to it, saying "Naaaaaaaise." I also thank whomever sent me Yihan, for he introduces the best shit to me all the time. Everytime I club with him and a particularly awesome tune kicks in, he says "My eyes are lighting up now" WHICH IS LIKE THE BEST DESCRIPTION EVER HAHAHHAHAAH. Some beats just make me so fucking high

Even though this has been out for some time, I LOVE IT WHEN THEY DROP THIS IN ZOUK. I think I dance strangely to it, though. However, clubbing life, I bide thee farewell. Well at least for the next four months. D: How am I going to surviveeeeeeeeeee. Sometimes I wonder why I go clubbing. Because, when I go, I drink. And to not get drunk when I drink, I've to eat a heavier than usual dinner -- when I usually skip meals or eat very little. But when I drink, I'm piling on more carbs! D: WEI SHEN ME?

BUT! It all boils down to my own choices. I could always just not drink, right? So yeah. It's all about having fun! And the best place to have fun is at Zouk. ZOUK IS THE LOVE.

:D

I started on the above a long time ago. Now I'm in school, borrowing Melcher's super cutesy tiny ASUS laptop, because I'm waiting for the Queen to knock off. Even though I'm majorly sleepy and fatigue is obvious in my face, I'm meeting her for dinner. GANNUER SEE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU HOKAY.

Meepmeep.

gambatte, ne

2012-01-19T10:27:00.002+08:00

"You're very innocent hor"

Even strangers say I trust people too easily. I don't know what I feel now, and I don't know what my goal is. But at least I'm searching, now. I love that when I meet new people, their experiences all shape my perspective. It helps by making me learn. Maybe I'm too naive in that I look for the best in people when I see them. But you did make me happy, and really, that's all that counts. We're all still young. Keep going, just keep going.

Last week, I became horribly sad. There was one night where I came home to an empty house and I sat down in my room, in the darkness, and weeped over the phone to Huda. "I feel so upset now." But after a few minutes and realising there really isn't anything to be sad about, I stopped. Some friends have been having problems of late, and they have had a significant male other being really caring and looking after them in ways that can only be described as worthy for a princess.

"I want to be able to get wasted and have someone pick me up" Only after I actually said this, did I realise how.. idiotic I sounded. Wtf I never want to get wasted again. I've been okay, I've been handling my alcohol good. I know Huda gets worried and she's slightly skeptical whenever I tell her I don't drink much nowadays, but it is the truth. Huda's the best. She tells me I'm worth it. Every single step of the way, she's been here with me. Yokecheng too, when I was upset that I had no one to buy dinner for me, she cabbed over with meehoonkuey. Okay you may now actually think that my notion of being alone stems from having no maid HAHAHAHA but.. it's the loneliness, y'knw? It's not that I want someone to text every day. It's not that I want someone to DO stuff for me every day. When I don't have those, I feel sad. However, when I do actually have those, I get so tired of it and feel so sick of myself being dependent on someone else. This is complicated. I guess all I need is to learn how to be Okay on my own. I feel bad for sharing all my problems with the two of them. I'd say things like "I feel so aimless now", "I don't know what I want to be" -- there is some personal standard that I used to pass, but now I feel so worthless. They're at the same age, how would they know? But they still have faith in me, and tell me these things take time.

We're all still figuring everything out, I have faith in all of us. ^-^

Essensuals Bugis! :D

2012-01-18T02:40:00.002+08:00

I've a 9am seminar and I probably should be sleeping now, with the lovely rain pitpattering down, but I wish to worsen the state of my eyebags, so here I am! \o/

As y'all know, I recently got my hair dyed. I decided to try out Essensuals Bugis due to the influx of bloggers advertising for them! I'm so envious, they all have brilliant hair *-* Headed down myself during the holidays after handing up SEP documents because I am a secretive faggot like that heh.

Upon arrival, warm greetings are guaranteed and magazines are handed to patrons while waiting for their respective stylists to attend to them (Lol why is this sentence so formal-sounding). I'd never gone before so I didn't know any particular stylist but most of the wellknown bloggers claim their favorite stylist or whatever lolol.

Before!

Roots being done.

When I sat down, Zoe (LIKE THE BEST EVER STYLIST. She is sooooo patient and nice! :D) asked "What can I do for you today?" My earnest reply was "I want to have HEALTHY, BOUNCY and weighed down hair"

She gave me a -_-" expression and went "With your current hair color, you'll never get bouncy and heavy looking hair." My eager self just deflated into a sad pile of goo on the spot hahahaahhahaaahah. Well she flipped through a couple of magazines and showed me what she meant. It is true that the blondes and lighter colored hair ladies mostly have this windswept, airy kinda feel, while those hotties with the fuck-me curls have darker hair. GO FLIP YO' MAGAZINES

Whilst I was still very -- and actually still am -- attached to my blonde hair color, the incident of my trying to run my fingers through my hair while I was at Zouk for Kaskade and meeting shitloads of tangled messes was still fresh in my mind so I was talked into cutting a few inches off, and getting a darker color!

Also did a Japanese Spa Treatment :D

Essentially, I think the interaction between a hair stylist and his/her customer is also very.. conversational? Lol it's like therapy to me, and they are providing a service after all. For my time there, Zoe was super patient with me -- I was highly reluctant to dye my hair to a darker color and even after deciding that I couldn't manage to choose a friggin' color for heaven's sake. Then when doing my hair, because I was there alone, she talked to me about random stuff. She had started learning the trade while in London, so it was really interesting to hear about her experiences. She also dispensed pearls of wisdom to me and asked me to club less and not meet boys from clubs. LOLOLOL.

I was pretty much the only customer left and was attended to by Zoe and this super friendly assistant! They did the treatment "gao gao" for me hahahahahaah I was so pampered. :3 They tried to convince me that Thai songs are nice to listen to, too. LOL. Got sweets from them because I hadn't had lunch nor dinner even though it was ten plus *-*

END RESULT! :D It is supposedly ash green, but the first dye is always too dark to see the actual color. (If you can spot Zoe in the background. She has platinum blonde hair #JEALOUS)

MY FUCK-ME CURLS HAHAHAH. Okay, I kid. I kept umm-chioing to myself when both of them were blowdrying the ends of my hair into soft curls. Damn nice okay!

Headed off and met Yihan for supper. His opinion was that this color was nicer than my previous. Now that I've this current hair color, everyone's telling me the previous hair color was too lian. THANKS AH PEOPLE. Well 'cept for Jen, Chanel and Joyce, who were just talking about how nice my previous hair color was and immediately bumped into me at FEP and found out that my hair color just happily darkened. D: #likkaEMOonly Yizhen and Huda also like my previous color more!

But it doesn't matter, because I learnt the ways to get my hair to be of better quality! And honestly dark hair just looks less wispy. *-*

Reached home at two plus and took photos. Please pardon the obvious fatigue on my face, I had had to walk back. With awesome company, but still.

with flash! Quite dark.

It's like this under the sun :3 Only my highlights show the ash green shade.

I LOOK SO STERN

Okay ending with a smile.

GOOD THINGS ARE MEANT TO SHARED, so ~~today~~ yesterday, I brought Huda down to get her to try the Spa treatment!

Look at how long her hair was!

And yes, she decided to get a haircut too!

Pauline, a senior hairstylist, recommended Huda get a good few inches off her hair due to her small frame not being able to carry off too long a length.

She cut a lot off leh!! D: If I were Huda I'd be tearing. But this sadistic monster still happily swung her cut hair at me

"I feel like I'm in a sci-fi movie"

While she entertains herself with steam, I sit and stare pensively at my hair

Only took this one pathetic photo even though I put on falsies today. When Cynthia sat down next to me and noticed them, she went "WAH YOU VERY HIAO LEH" HAHAHAHA I defensively told her I was going out to town. But she said it was nice and quite natural looking! :3 But in the end, I was too brain dead to feel attractive enough to take any decent photos.

Da keeps saying she likes the top part of my hair -- top, because the hair quality is the most brilliant there. Hahahahhahha. I think I'm really fortunate to have such sensitive friends around me; Yokecheng immediately says she likes this change when she senses I prefer my previous hair color, Huda and Yizhen tactfully say both colors are nice but they prefer the previous one. Minzx says I look more mature with this. To her it's a good thing hahahahaha. But yeah! No one outrightly tells me they dislike the previous one a lot, which is so nice of 'em.

Anyway, snip snip snip! And the end result:

NICE RIGHT! Her hair was too long for her petite frame! She looks so sweet nao :3

She didn't get her hair dyed, that's the room's lights' reflection. But check out the lovely soft curls ^-^

:D

YAY TO AWESOME AND NICESMELLING HAIR! \o/

Didn't do anything to mine though, heh.

Today, I had lunch with Johannes at the Deck WHERE WE HAD AWESOME BA CHOR MEE FROM MY FAVORITE STALL. He mentioned that I was very skinny now, compared to when they first met me at Soci camp. HE SAID I WAS PLUMP and I immediately glared at him LOL. Then he backtracked and said I'm much skinnier now, not that I was fat last time. Ah it was right after working for half a year in an office, I guess weight gain was to be expected.

BUT Amalina has also mentioned, on a recent occasion: "I can see an exact point where your (shoulder) bone sticks out"

Me: It has always been there??? ._.
Her: No, they haven't. TRUST ME, I've seen enough of your bare shoulders (an inside joke, for I love wearing tank tops, and sleeveless tops) to have noticed your BONE, STICKING out, alright?
Me: Meh

(Oh I just realised in one of the photos above can see the bone that Huda's talking about. HHAHAAHAHAH it's just positioning I guess?) I'm really not skinny now, have given up on exercising after renewal of realisation of the happiness that consumption of food brings. But in any case, still consoled that people think I'm skinny. WAAHAHHAAHHAHA

:3

Okay, sleep beckons.

PS If you can notice something, you're pretty good

PPS In totally unrelated manner, this is one fucking awesome song:

I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS. D: Love it love it love it!! I go crazy every time I hear it. Like if you see me bobbing my head like mad in trains, it is probably to this song. Especially the transition from 0:58 to 1:13.

PPPS A very cute person is talking to me now. OMG #foamsanddiesfromhappiness

TWO FAV PERSONS IN THE WORLD: version 2

2012-01-15T12:41:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEYHONWEI! :D

collage of nemmy & his gay buds

You'll forever and ever remain the best buddy one can have! :D Hope you've an awesome 21st, and that your wishes come true. GET OUT OF ARMY SOON SO THAT Y'CAN COME AND BE MY JUNIOR AND I CAN BUG YOU TO BITS! :D Stay sweet and nice, stay the best and kindhearted person that you are, and WE'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

:D

I'm also here to blog about my one & only dearest gannuer!

A few months back, we went to Clarke Quay to have dinner; it was funny the way I made us not go by the usual path and to walk through the right side of the bridge so we wouldn't end up at Hooters, as it made us pass by a bar which was blasted true blue nigga music and made the two of us get so high. As usual, we couldn't decide which place to go to, and she went "You wouldn't like my choice if you asked me to decide" but the heat was annoying me so I just went "ANY PLACE WOULD BE FINE -- WAIT, don't tell me you want the bar back then?!?!?!" D: Because it had so many umm. Caucasians who were kinda high at SEVEN pm and dancing away. A tad too early, doncha think? Hahaahhahahahaha

She gave me a cheeky expression and hence we ended up there. Well y'knw, I'm open to new places!

We hadn't a clue the name of the place, which was located right next to the GMax swings -- it turns out it's very aptly named Bungy Bar! LOL.

I got a long island tea, and she one of her house pours. I love long island tea hahahahahahah.

And here's a string of blurry iPhone photos

OH WE FOUND OUT WHY THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD. Because it basically consisted of African American girls going up to the decks and putting up YOUTUBE videos of all those music. LOL, WAY TO GO TO GET AUTHENTIC RAP AND AWESOME MUSIC.

If you're interested, this was one they were playing. Hahahahahah

There was a bunch of American Navy guys there, whose ship was docked in our ports and hence they were having a night's off. There was a man named Vladimir, who was totally ignoring the crowd and the blasting music, and webcamming with his girlfriend on his laptop. HOW SWEET :D A couple started talking to us, and bought Gannuer a drink :3 They were talking about the different places that they'd docked at before, Japan, Taiwan, Philippines, and so on, and one kept asking me if English was the language of communication here, because he was really amazed at my - supposed - level of proficiency. *-* I kept insisting to him that I could speak Mandarin too, and well, most Singaporeans would be able to converse in the same level of proficiency I do, but he was convinced that it was because I was an EL major and thus the discrepancy. I gave up after awhile and just asked him about his experiences. It turns out, many of 'em sign on into the Navy because they don't have money for college. It's a difficult thing to leave your family for years and miss out participating in your siblings' lives, don't you think? But they seem rather patriotic and took it in their stride.

Well we got a treat from them! :D \o/ The stuff there is pretty expensive though, and it housed a rather rowdy crowd when we were there. I've only gone there once so I'm not sure how the other nights are.

Was wearing my floral skirt :D Yes I am aware that I have white spots for eyes

And this collage, was made using photography apps on the early morning of the next day, because someone had woken me up with a call while clubbing, and made me worried while there was no response after the call. I realised, I SPENT MANY TIMES WORRYING AND BEING AWAKENED AFTER THREE/FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP DURING THAT PART OF MY LIFE. ): No wonder I kept falling ill. Why was I so carried away..

The heart's there because I love Gannuer. ^-^ I know it's been tough these couple of months, years, even. I'm sorry sometimes I grow frustrated with you, because I may not understand what you're going through. But please do know that I love you, and I'll forever be here for you, okay?

& yes, she has something called the Asian Flush. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Okay, off to help the Papa wash more stuff.

self

2012-01-15T02:00:00.000+08:00

When I got startled by my own reflection, a night after dyeing my hair, because of watching Ju-On, and because I wasn't used to myself looking like this.

It is supposedly ash green. Can y'see the green in it?

Void of makeup.

.

I have battling loneliness for a week. I have been grappling with notions of self worth.

I have been trying to convince myself that I believe in myself.

Comprehension

2012-01-13T19:55:00.001+08:00

"Why'd you leave?"

"Problems with a male"

"Boyfriend?"

"Kind of"

"And you left him, just like that?"

"It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.""

"Supposing you do still love them?"

"You don't leave."

"You've never left someone you still love?"

"Nope."

; closer

Whomever gets the last kiss..

First week of Sem 2! WHOOP

2012-01-13T02:40:00.001+08:00

HELLO EVERYBODY! My first week of the second academic semester of my second year is O-V-E-R. Hence I'm here to shower some love on my blog. My brain hasn't managed to fully process anything past forty minutes of Merlin at one go, so it's slightly painful to attempt to instantaneously switch back to student-mode to jot down notes furiously whilst also be able to listen to the discussion going on, on top of that, contrive to produce something intelligible to contribute to said discussion. D: Additionally, back is hurting due to hours of sitting in seminar rooms.

HOWEVER, I am so happy to finally, finally, I say, see everyone in school! :DDDD *beams* Especially all the EL majors, and OG kids. First day of school was brilliant. Met Jianrong for lunch; I indulged in TAIWANSAUSAGE and a fried oily fish fillet. Language planning and policy seminar, meant to be a three hour seminar, ended in one and a half hours. :D After handing up a document for SEP purposes, and bumping into Jian Gang -- EXTREME YAY :D -- I headed to JurongPoint to meet Huda as we were both on the search for a suitable planner for this year. I was wearing new flats, and they had started hurting me after awhile, but I didn't have any plasters, so I put up with the pain. Well to be honest the pain was.. bearable?

Decided to treat myself to a Caramel Frap since 'twas the first day of school (:

I am such a brunette now. Sigh

Was early hence I played with the nex 5's aperture settings.. Yeah I brought my camera to school! I also had two sets of eyewear, eyedrops, hair mist, and makeup. Felt more like I was going out rather than for school.

But I was more prepared this semester! LOOK AT MY OHSOCUTE PENCILCASE! :DDDD It's from Art Box, heh.

Dada reached in awhile and we exchanged information on our modules in swift conversation. It was quite funny because the two of us were just super high. I whatsapped her "Your use of exclamation marks, hence the indication of happiness, is rather infectious." She says my hair reminds her of Veronica now. As in, Betty and Veronica. Like in comics?

Walked around a lot and the pain grew to an immense level of amazement. However Huda didn't have plasters either. I guess my pain threshold is really, really, high, because, when we were on the way home, in the train, I looked down at my feet, just remarking "My feet really hurt" to discover that my right foot was BLEEDING.

I WAS SO STUNNED. As extracted from Huda's blog: "In any case, her feet were hurting because of new shoes (oh the things we do for the sake of vanity! I've got so many blisters on account of new shoes, sigh) and I kept asking her to get plasters but she refused because she is a stubborn twat. Haiyoh. She walked around Jurong Point like that, which is amazing to me because if I were her I would've just taken off my shoes already.

We were in the train nearing Kranji or something when she pulled her foot out of her shoe and LO AND BEHOLD: BLOOOOOOOD.

HAHAHAH it was the most Bizarre moment ever because we both looked at her foot and gasped because we hadn't expected her to be bleeding la, seriously. Which was when I turned to her and asked, "Does it hurt now?" LOL she looked so confused by the question, the memory of her face still tickles me."

I MEAN, IT HURT, BUT HELLO, IT HURT SO MUCH IT BLED BUT I DIDN'T REALISE IT?!?! D: How numb am I to pain?! I think I've been subjecting my feet to way too many torturous shoes. What with squishing them into too small pumps, wearing heels which are too high, and flats which cut my feet. Goodness gracious.

Well but it was a good day. I scarred Huda, Yihan and Yokecheng with photos of my bloody heel but I shall not scar you with 'em. The pain when the water first hit the cut was so intense it made me laugh. But the day was good. I had Gogo Franks for dinner heehee.

On the second day of school, I went for my only lecture of the day! Dr Joseph Park is such a cutie. :3 I swear the English department has the cutest Korean professors. Dr Kim will forever and ever be the cutest in my heart!! Regardless of how difficult his module is. Hahahahaha. And how much he confuses me with his rambling methods.

Met Miss Neo to purchase our textbooks -- she came to school specially just to buy the textbook so as to complete the readings before seminar! SO HARDWORKING RIGHT -- and we decided to head out to Holland V for lunch. TREATED OURSELVES TO EVERYTHING WITH FRIES! :DD

I had Grilled Pork Chop with Original fries. The girl recommended Curry and Original flavors, but when I made a face at the word "Original", she hurried to correct my misconception of the fries being plain -- "It has ah.. Pa.. Pa-chika seasoning!" ._. I think she meant Paprika, and yes it certainly wasn't plain! Was really flavorful

The meat was very tender too.

Zhiwei chose the Salmon Cup as her main! The salmon was really good, not fishy nor flaky. She also ordered a Butterscotch milkshake which was soooooooo yummy and decadent. EWF HAS BRILL MILKSHAKES. :3

On Wednesday, I was late for the seminar given by one of my favorite professors. PAMELA NG AH. Had the best time in the seminar because Prof A does nothing but push the limits of my intellectual thinking. C'mon, one can wish. Saw Gary! :DD Teased him that he was still a giant teddy bear but I was kidding. Saw Melcher too, which was brill! :D Realised that the EL major circle is mega small.

After lesson, I donned my crazy specs:

HEEHEEHEE #likkacrazygirl

We came across this splendid wall of bricks!

Zhiwei was so sweet, she said I looked like some blogshop model. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA can die laughing. I've gained so much weight and I look positively insane with those specs heheheheheheeheheh

Love Miss Neo's shirt! It is from Threadless, and it is of a disembodied hand controlling a carousel. MOST OF ALL, IT EES PURPLE. Wahahahahahahahah

Love Miss Neo, too (:

She then accompanied me to the engineering block, where I had to attend Sociology lecture myself. ): Kinda bummed about that but I've always been taking one biz mod by myself since year one so it doesn't really matter. But I'm super sian about it being in engine! I get strange looks there. There is also no sheltered way there. At least, I haven't managed to find a fullproof one

On Thursday, I met Melcher to loan him three textbooks for Psycholinguistics. I love my books, hope he'll take good care of 'em! Heehee they were really heavy so he offered to meet me at the station.

Cinematic discourse went alright; I have come to a conclusion that most linguistics professors are terribly amusing. They're full of puns and have lil' secretive smiles to themselves all the time.

While returning home, I fell asleep on the circle line journey. After a few days of such travel, I have realised, I LOVE half stomping half bounding the path from the circle line to the NS line while listening to dance music. I literally float around sometimes, when I'm super sleepy but my music is propelling me forward.

I also get strange looks because I wear stuff like this:

HAHAHAHA no, I kid. The pair covering my eyes belong to Yokecheng, and the one sitting atop my head is a gift from Huda (: Turned up unannounced at Flea's place even though she thought I was horribly tired and headed home. WAHAHAHAHAH I love lying for such cheap thrills. I hope no one ever thinks to do this to me, though. I DRESS HORRIBLY AT HOME LOLOLOL.

Brought beer along with me!

The Asahi was mother good! Awesome after the long trek to her place. Corona is as always, good, too. :D No Tiger beer for me, please.

While out having dinner. We had yong tau fu!!!! My favorite. :D

HELLS YEAH, BEER.

My beer belly is developing, this is not good! 10 more days to CNY. Though I've nothing much to look forward to, and I don't even have new clothes for the festivities, I still want to look my best. So.. NO MORE BAK KWA FOR NOW!! And I really want to exercise but the cuts on my feet are mega deep. Pew. Shall work something out.

BYE GUYS, hope your first week back at school was good! :D

na ni?!

2012-01-11T00:31:00.002+08:00

Urge to blog is thwarted by need to complete readings and need to sleep. Why am I so unequipped to deal with cold weather I AM SUFFERING FROM A FLU NOW.

Shall update really soon! I have too many photos, all in the process of editing.

GOODNIGHT

like this, like that

2012-01-09T00:39:00.001+08:00

I AM REPLYING TAGS:

Huda:
still mad pink to meh.

I love the pink! :3

Joanne:
oooh I almost forgot bout our pondok rasa trip lollol burpburp

I wanna go back to eat the chicken thing for myself!!

jasper:
jia you pam :) 2012 will be a better year

:D YOU JIAYOU TOO!

v.:
(hearts)

Hi dear, I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

zhi wei:
hee I want to see your newly dyed hair! ;D (i'm... still waiting for my mods XD)

I hope you like it! Everyone seems to like it more than my blonde streaks. Are y'taking four modules this sem?

natalie:
hello i love your taste in muzikkkk :)

Yeah man, I listen to good shit :D

Huda:
THROW AWAY YOUR CHEM STUFF LA WTF. Sorry, the mention/thought of chem makes me angry HAHAHAHA.

I love chem, I don't want to throw it away hahahahahahahahaha. I still have my chem practical file from sec 4. And my red chem textbook. I'M A HOARDER, HUDA HELP!!!

min:
you know your blog always forwards me to some youtube video!? WHY!?

Eh it's some thing with most of the blogspot blogs. Will either have strange ad or strange video. Sorry manzx!

MAJOR LOVE FOR TAGGING, AS ALWAYS. *blows kisses

Today was spent traveling around alone with five hours of sleep. School is starting today and I feel an acute sense of dread. Been whining to a couple of people and I'm glad they're being nice. Was so tired but parents dragged me out for dinner. I have finally bought myself a new pencilcase. I AM READY FOR SCHOOL!!!

PS I apologise for all these short posts. Can't bring myself to edit photos for long posts. And brain can't seem to do any deep thinking. All I care about is figuring out how to utilise my curling tong.

PPS Got burnt by said curling tong. Red mark on neck resembles a hicky, but sadly, isn't. DOES ANYONE WANT TO SUCK MY NECK

PPS You know I'm only kidding, right?

PPPS I should be asleep.

*WAVES FAGGOTY BUTT

I am really not pretty enough for you to stop your dancing..

Last

2012-01-08T05:10:00.001+08:00

I'm really dizzy and sleepy now and I just want to sleep. Sometimes I don't know why I go clubbing, why I spend so much time dressing up, wearing five inch heels for hours, and putting up with guys who stop me from dancing.

But then I think about the music. The happiness I feel dancing away. The fucking awesome bubble of exhilaration when the deejay plays something I know.

Last time before school starts. I need to crash now. Goodbye.

Spring cleaning

2012-01-07T02:09:00.000+08:00

I just spent close to eight hours crawling about in my room cleaning it. D: I've cleaned windows of my brothers' and my room, and wiped walls, bedframes, and cupboard doors. Also cleared out drawers and boxes. Trying to reach out to the ceilings with my height, tiptoeing on chairs, is only made enjoyable by blasting music and singing out loud scaring people at the carpark. :D Was actually playing edm but mom requested change of music because apparently edm was driving her mad hahahahaha. However I've gotten so many bruises because I keep knocking my arms and legs on furniture, so along with bruises from Wednesday, my legs look horrible now.

I also washed a couple of bags today. My hands feel so raw. I don't usually help out with housework, but for a good part of the previous year, I'd been vacuuming both floors every day and also putting out and taking in laundry. It's extremely tiring; I can understand how much pain my mom goes through. *-* Some of my friends do their own laundry and even iron their own stuff. I.. seem so useless in comparison hahahaahahaahah.

Coming into contact with all those dirt and dust I felt like I'd to give myself a good wash so I had a good exfoliation session. And am also having a face mask on now. Dad came home saying "Good! Finish your own room can help me with the rest of the house tmrw." WHUUUUUT no. *collapse

Initially I faced two huge boxes with plans to throw away anything irrelevant but after seeing all those pages of chemistry practical sessions where we had to identify hydrogen with a lit fire that goes Pop! -- I'm bs-ing here can't really remember. Was some ppt bluish green or greenish blue? I remember writing turquoise and getting marked down for that though it means exactly the same thing -- and thousands of pages of 100year series I feel like I should hold on to them further LOL. I'M A HOARDER SOMEONE HELP ME. I threw away my secondary four geog textbook though. Somehow I've no recollection of those pages, perhaps it reflects how much I dislike Geography hahahahah. I recall all those lessons sitting with Meinu and Ben though, with Zhiwei. I always got scolded along with them hahahhahahaha.

I also found many many choir scores and funny, I seem to have many copies of Kasar and Gamelan. Maybe I always had extras because I was in charge of scores. There were so many old songs, like Siksik, Ave Maris Stella, The Wedding Ring, and so on. Super super super nostalgic and I tried singing some with the help of my alto memory. :3 Being less musically inclined I always had to memorize starting notes.

Miraculously I too discovered my calculator from Anderson Sec. I know a few other people who're also in love with their scientific calculators and hate using other brands. I thought I'd lost it a few years ago so finding it now just made me fucking happy hahahahahahahahaaahha. I know I sound really bizarre now but whatever. I also kept swearing in front of my mother until she couldn't take it and tsk-ed me. :3

This is such a rambling post. I just want to type on my keyboard as the thoughts flow because the taptaptapping is so comforting to me.

School is starting on Monday.

I ramble for some.. crumbles

2012-01-06T01:25:00.000+08:00

I'M KINDA FEELING DOWN NOW -- I know, you must thinking, when is this girl ever not down?!!? That reminds me, I've yet to reply Kelvin about feeling emotional, damn. I need better management of replying texts -- so I'm here to try to cheer myself up. I suspect it's due to the four hours of sleep after returning home from Zouk.

I'm slightly amused as to how much my parents like to.. talk to me about all these matters. Like returning home late, going out to party, drinking alcohol and so forth. And how my brothers don't receive the same treatment. I used to be get irritated when they started lecturing. For instance, when I returned home after christmas in the morning, I only slept from 9am to 1pm, and happened to wake up just as my parents were leaving for lunch. Somehow being the only daughter I guess I just like doing this kinda stuff with 'em, having lunch and grocery shopping, so I asked them to give me a moment while I washed up. Immediately my momma unleashed words like "Always come home late sleep late wake up late then we must buy back food for yall, only know how to enjoy."

-- HOLD ON, IN CASE YOU'RE MISTAKEN, I'm not complaining about my parents and neither am I unhappy with them whenever they scold me. Hahahaha I actually appreciate it that they give a damn about my wellbeing. --

That day, however, I got irritated because I was firstly, sleep deprived, but mainly, I was instantaneously irritated with the differential treatment. MY BROTHERS WERE BOTH STILL SLEEPING?!?!!?!?! They had also gone out for the night and returned home late. Whilst they were snoring away, I was being scolded after 4 hours of sleep and merely because I wanted to join my parents for lunch. TELL ME YOU DON'T THINK IT'S UNFAIR. I retorted back "Wahlao then korkor and didi still sleeping then only because I wake up earlier and am actually awake to talk to you all that you can have the opportunity to scold me?!?! They escape the scoldings because they're still asleep?!!? Then shouldn't I just continue sleeping too?! *incredulous"

Needless to say, lunch was a chilly affair but I started por-ing my parents after awhile hahahaahahaha so grocery shopping went alright. I BOUGHT PEANUT BUTTER BISCUITS!!

Additionally, there was another day where I went out for dinner with my parents. I had a sudden craving for curry fish head and though Papa had just taken medicine for flu he went along, though slightly grudgingly. After dinner, while walking back home, I suddenly quipped "EHHH. You two actually treat me quite nicely huh! I say I want to eat curry fish head then no questions asked, just go immediately hor.. Somemore daddy quite unwilling, I can tell hahahhahaha"

Then immediately the lecturing started again "Exactly lor I'm so sleepy actually all I wanted was someone to dabao for me" And my mom went "YOU SEE you know how nice we treat you?! Then always still compare to your brothers and everything.." Papa: "I tell you ah, we nag nag nag so much now it's for your own good, will do you well to listen to us. Wanna play and enjoy? When you start working and have independence you can play all you want! Why do it now when you have to study" I was totally TICKLED because with my remark I singlehandedly struck down the dam. If I'd just kept my mouth shut they'd have continued their conversation heehee.

And just this morning, because I'd made plans with Momma to catch Sherlock Holmes 2 together, I checked the movie timings before heading to bed. AT SIX IN THE MORNING OKAY. Made sure I woke up early enough, at 10plus, and asked Momma if she wanted to go for the 1.30 show. The dear woman immediately went "You sure you can go? Come back so late, huh what time did you come back huh! Still tell me you'd be early and 'Don't worry!' Don't even text to tell me when you'd be back" I was really amused hahahahahaha I know it's wrong to be finding humour when parents nag but it's honestly cute how they keep nagging at me instead of my brothers simply for the fact that I'm awake much earlier than the two of them when all three of us are up to our mischief. It's ironic. I should just try to sleep past noon for my ears' sake hahaahahaha. Okay I'm just kidding. I really love my dad and mom. (: For all that they nag, for all the different treatment I get simply because I'm a girl, I really appreciate the care they show me. I'm not that immature to just throw a tantrum and demand equal treatment anymore.

Nowadays I simply reason my way out WAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay I feel better now. I'm sorry for the crazy wordy post. I've so much on my mind I just don't know what to do.

There was one day where I was feeling empty, not unlike how I'm feeling now, and I went to visit Flea's cousin's dog. Which Flea had stolen LOL and was held captive at her place.

His name is Wish, but we decided he looked more like a BOBBO.

And here is a string of photos of my manhandling the poor dog.

I was really happy to be hugging a dog again, I hadn't played with a dog in ages. Sometimes I feel too overwhelmed and just stay away from playing with dogs.

Was covering his eyes from the flash lololol

AHHHH he was so cute.

Flea says she loves this shot. Bobbo looks so happy

He liked the wind. No seriously he did. "I am SuperBob!"

Miss my hair color. SIGH. Though everyone who has seen the new hair color prefers this.

This looks like the next

Which looks like the next

I love dogs I hope I'm able to become a good dog owner next time! :D

And I'll give my dog a decent name.. Like. CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!!!!

Okay goodbye.

what if

2012-01-04T01:12:00.000+08:00

There are days when I think about how happy we were, when I look at the countless photos we took, and I feel like giving up. There are times where I think about that day, when you made me wait for more than an hour -- and I feel ashamed to admit this, but sometimes I'd think "What if I'd just waited longer? What if I hadn't cried and called my friends for help, what if I'd just stayed and waited?"

But.. it wasn't worth it. What ifs will always remain what ifs. I'll never know, so all I can do is to be happy with what I have now.

Really though, sometimes I wish everything was like before.

.

A list:

#01. Got all my modules during Round 1A. Three L3s, let's go!!!
#02. Have dyed hair. Not crazed blonde anymore. Can't decide whether to be happy or not.
#03. Have just spent another one hundred bucks. Not monopoly money.
#04. Am turning into fat pig. But had someone refer to me as the "skinny girl" today. #LIKEMOTHERHAPPYONLY
#05. Am harbouring major crush on total stranger. Said total stranger is really, really, capable. Am only able to harbour crushes on passionate people who shine at what they do. Mega awesome

HI I LOVE THESE

2012-01-03T02:57:00.002+08:00

Just finished zhng-ing my previous entry. Lightened it up a lil', I think it was too solemn. Hoho. There're photos before that, so do press on the "Go Earlier!" link at the bottom of the page if you want to read archives!

Here are three tracks I cannot get out of my head:

WHAT THE F--

East London's not a bomb site
It is a treasure chest,
We use our penguin costumes
More than our evening dress
She said I should come over
Though the music's not my type
Don’t you know I'd chop a limb off
Just to have a good time

Shut up and move with me, move with me or, or get out of my face
I didn't queue for an hour to leave straight away
Shut up and stay with me, stay with me or, or let go of my hand
The lasers fill our minds with empty plans

I never knew I was a techno fan

~ Da da da da da da da

I would ask you to skip to 1:02 but the buildup makes everything else so much sweeter

.

Would refuse just on principle.

Goodnight, hope the new year's been treating you kind

2011, I bid thee farewell

2012-01-02T16:19:00.007+08:00

I started this entry on the first day of the new year, but it was impossible to complete. So it's dated the 2nd!

ETA

Just realised I missed a few things and some photos should appear here but aren't! So I'm zhng-ing the entry now HAHAHAHA

I cried on the first day of 2011, and here I am crying on the first day of 2012. I don't remember crying on the first day of 2010, and I sure hope this doesn't turn into a pattern. D:

-- I just read my first post of 2010, and my first post of 2011, they were so different. The former was an everyday entry filled with photos, and the latter was just a simple "I'm okay." Hahahahaha and the first post of 2012 shall be like the former, would that be preferable for y'all? (:

2011

January

I had pink lenses.

I went out a lot with close friends, and also with people I barely knew.

Beloved Gannuer!

Vv. (:

Nemmy

Boss

Exercised almost every day due to obsession with losing weight. *-*

Did a lot of things impulsively to remind myself that I could.

February

Chinese New Year!

Paternal family

Younger brother and I have altered our appearances to a great extent this past year

Charmed our way into 7 free drinks

Went clubbing on the second day of CNY, way to break tradition

One post read: "DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I'M DOING, WHO I AM, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SEEK, WHAT IS GOING ON, AND WHAT I'M ACHIEVING BY ALL THESE

I THINK I WENT A BIT OVERBOARD TODAY"

Met up with Huda a lot, who was my rock throughout that crazy period. We also met up to study a lot. And to shop. A lot. She also introduced me to The Coffee Bean's brilliant Smoked Salmon Sandwich and therein started a secret love affair

Recess week was filled with project meetings and photobooth shots

Zhiwei, the most amazing friend and best sitting partner, ever :D

Spent Valentine's Day alone, in the romantic sense..

But was surrounded with friends and much love (:

More loves from primary school

Rocks of my life, Andy & Meinu :D

March

The start of the month during which I had no choice but to face reality because someone close left me. Also, from archives, had the busiest and craziest academic semester yet was happily immersing self in work to escape unhappiness from real life. I recall numerous times when I burst into tears in front of Jian Gang but continuing with project meetings just moments later hahahahahah.

Best Yogurt in town. For realzx

Kor had his POP

Was listening to r&b a lot, but ventured into edm.

Best waffles in town

The Bitch Club holds a special place in my heart :3

April

WOW I have very few photos. I think I took a damned lot of photos in 2011, my 2011 folder has... 130 ALBUMS. WTF?!?!!??!!?!? I am stunned. I think the lack of going out for leisure, hence the lack of photos taken in April, was due to revision for examinations. Which paid off, I must say. I have fond memories of the hard work I put in for the modules I took in Year 1 Sem 2, lololol.

Let hair grow into an incredibly long length

Wild Honey, Orchard Central

BEST THING WHICH HAPPENED ALL MONTH: I went for my first ever non-choral concert and saw Adam Levine in person. Well he was a speck but I could see his butt. All was worth it.

Butt-seeing-induced-flying happiness

May

Wow I've so many albums from May. BIRTHDAY MONTH!! I was crushed by the apparent lack of care from someone and hence did something crazy -- dyed my hair for the first time, ever.

In which I made out with a female for the first time. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

More squiggly lines

Started drinking a lot more last year

V, who hooked me on to this--

NI TAMAGO

Also started clubbing a lot more last year

Went for my first play, Macbeth :D

Received the most elaborate present from Huda *touched

Wish they'd bring this back

Made an apple crumble tart for Mothers' Day

Second birthday present to self

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't care much where----" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"----so long as I get somewhere," added Alice as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "if only you walk long enough."

; Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Lewis Carroll

Yizhen and Wanchun will always be the cutest sweetiepies :3

Was still so very unhappy

June

Started really getting into electronic dance music. Pete Tong's voice is firmly imprinted in my head. Lost hope and gave up in my heart. I think, to people who don't know me, if they knew why I was truly so sad, they'd be surprised. I'M NOT A SENTIMENTAL PERSON ON THE SURFACE RIGHT HAHAHAHA *ahemahem

In accordance with vice chairperson duties, organised four three outing to Playnation

The class of 4/3 '07 will forever and ever be the pride of my life. I know Meinu loves teasing me about how I used to try to appeal to the class -- "EH PEOPLE" -- but they really made an impact on my growing up. They shaped my beliefs and ideals. This is a wonderful bunch of people, and I'll never regret going to Anderson Secondary School.

Snuck out of the house for the Singtel Grid Girls 2011 auditions, and got in! Not the top 12, but considering when the judges asked "Why do you want to be a Singtel Grid Girl?" my mind was a total blank, it isn't too bad, right? :D

More ice cream with the bestie

Bought a wireless remote control for the nex 5, which culminated in an explosion of selfshots :3

Which allowed for shots like this too

Timbre with the primary school bestie on a Monday

Baked a lot that summer break

Had desperately tragic and sad posts not unlike this:

"It is dark in my room.

I sit down by the edge of my bed, with my legs perched on the side. I start to feel the tears welling up in my eyes. They gather at the creases of my eyes, and fall down past my cheeks.

I stare blankly into the darkness, just feeling the sensation of tears running down my cheeks.

But something explodes in me, it starts hurting really badly. It hurts in my stomach, my chest, everywhere. I start to choke. I start whimpering. I gasp and my chest starts heaving from gulping in air -- I try to make sense of it all, and fail.

My face scrunches up and I keep swallowing saliva desperately, as if emotion could be flushed away like that.

By now I have buried my face into my pillow; I rock myself back and forth, hugging it like it's my lifeline. I scream into it, I whimper into it, I use it to hide.

It's the whimpering I hate. I am scared of the raw screams.

*

.. I should've known better than to believe that I'd be important to someone, anyone."

Love Andy like a brother. I swear he spoils me.

Couldn't find the May issue of British Vogue which had Freja Erichsen, who is the prettiest model alive, anywhere -- not in Kinokuniya, not in Page One, ANYWHERE AT ALL -- and he went straight to the supplier to get me a copy just because.

)': Why my boss so teng wo. Like not worth it like that. BUT I GOT ANOTHER MAG WITH FREJA ON IT!! :D To add on to my collection.

Went out with a guy whom was younger than me. Age is but a trifle matter. Height is more important. HAHAHAHAHAH okay sorry I'm not that superficial. Just kidding.

July

WHERE I BECAME HAPPY :D

Best OG, ever :D

Ed, (:

Part 2, coming soon!

Favorite turtle, Edmund! :D

Am very grateful for Jasper and how he takes care of me in a very random manner. Everytime I tell him someone's bullying me he'd cheer me up in the strangest ways "Who isit now, I help you get ppl to beat him up" HAHAHAHA.

Blogged about what makes guys attractive to me: http://paaamela.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-makes-guy-attractive-to-you.html
Started getting a lot of attention from the opposite sex, which scared me, and at the same time, made me feel honored.

First attempt at an Oreo Cheesecake

Though we hadn't been talking much this year, still love this girl dearly

Bumped into someone at Vivocity and somehow, everything fell into place. It's not to say my happiness entirely rested on that person, but I do care a lot for people dear to my heart.

Fulfilled granddaughter and daughter duties

Got drunk for the first time in my life and caused a lot of trouble to my reputation, hurhurhur. Well it's an experience, I must say. I learnt from it. I'd be an idiot not to. No more drinking straight from different bottles ever again!

Went for Bingo Players at Zouk. IT WAS FABULOUS.

August

School was starting and I went for Arts O WEEK! :D One of my most elaborate entries with a hell lot of photos.

Got super tanned and had singlet tan lines

I started understanding that you don't necessarily have to be friends with someone first to feel more worthy of their friendship when compared to someone else, whom might have known that person first. Stupid personal rule, abolished.

Jasper (:

Miss doing cheers hahahahahahaah

Godwin, best person to be taking retarded photos with :D

Went for NUS RAG at the Promontory

Was really upset over the image my so-called partygirl self was giving. But with support from friends I came to understand it's what's inside that counts. So yeah, there wasn't a point in caring too much.

Met up with the JC class for an outing!

To think of the troubles I used to have with the guys, hahahahahaahah now they all seem so ridiculous. Well signs of growing up, eh? :D

I WAS A CLASS LEADER, along with Vv and Yiting (:

With Jen & Amanda at Arts BASH '11! :D

Pretty, pretty Yizhen!

Where I had three flamings and died

Also bought my first bikini, ever. I had strange tanlines from O week.

The month where Flea saved my life

Went for Alex Metric at Zouk. ZOUK WHY YOU SO AWESOME!! I pledge allegiance to Zouk, alright? They bring in the best guest djs. Plus their residents play a pretty mean set too.

Met a boy.

September

Got my roots done

Grid girl training where I met many girls who had height I wished boys had. Also, many pretty girls. Who did this sort of thing as a living! Events and such.

As if they were my own

Watched Cars 2 while someone watched me laugh

With Granny (:

Joven crashed GEK1507 lecture :D

School had started full force but my mind was elsewhere

After a very long time

Like a sister to me

The 'rents got me an iPhone

Hence the influx of photography app photos

Spent a lot of time with the love of my life. Had the happiest time of my life. Because everything was finally okay.

Went for the Formula 1 races as a Grid Girl!

Hair reached a stunning length *-*

Wasn't paying too much attention to schoolwork, which caused the worst results to be known to Pamela's parents. Messed up midterms!

October

Bidded farewell to Citibank for one of the most tedious group projects, ever. It made me stay overnight in school on a fucking Sunday!!!

OL day

Instead of revision, did stuff like crashing Flea's lecture in SIM

Felt the most painful sense of inferiority and kept comparing self to other girls. Was also accused of being loose by a total stranger, which should have been insulting, but hey. She doesn't know me, right? :D I'm better than that. Worked things out by reasoning and having belief.

Salted Caramel with Huda

October was like a pendulum; I swung from true contentment to unhappiness, all caused by the same boy. There were many arguments and I let myself get lost in it. I don't know why, and I'll probably never know why he was so special, maybe it was the entirety of it, maybe it was so believable, maybe I'd never been so contented -- all I know is, I was so happy. (: But since it's over you won't get to know who he was hahahahahahahahah

Also got a lot of haters on the tagboard HAHAHAHAHAH I think the friends were really annoyed till they just blasted them. THANKS GUYS LOVE Y'ALL FOR THE SUPPORT LOLOL.

With Mel and Flea at Butter's launch of YSPWSR! Met lotsa butter balls heehee.

Joven turned 21!

November

Was the perfect non-girlfriend.

I didn't take a lot of photos during this month, think I was too unhappy and studying for finals hahahaahah.

All the studying gave me brilliant hair, though.

A toil fell on my mother and she had to try her best to be the best daughter, sister, and mother all at the same time. Family met with problems and I too, tried my best to be the same. I was never as mature as this before, and for all they're worth, I am grateful for all these troubles, because they've allowed me to grow up.

Pondok Rasa with the girls! The post is just a few entries back :D

Met new friends. Had almost forgot what it was like to have fun by just meeting new people and learning things about them, about their experiences

Was a happy girl until the disagreements started

I think, what really kills me is that you don't understand what I really meant, when I said you weren't listening. However, what I'd really like to do, is slap myself for being so silly. For crying every single fucking day. For messing up my finals. Luckily, Flea Ng managed to make me see clearly and I ran. RAN FOR MY SANITY.

I WAS LIKE "Who are you and what have you done with my best friend

WHERE ARE ALL THESE PEARLS OF WISDOM COMING FROM?!?!!"

Hhahahaahahaah. I never realised how much I was hurting the people around me by not taking care of myself. By crying like fuck every day, by feeling like everything was bleak and I could only fall and never get up. My elder brother caught me sobbing to myself in my room -- literally sobbing and telling him I wanted to die, screaming 我这么笨我这么笨我这么笨 -- I think he was really stunned. But he said a lot of things which made sense. He said family members are the most important to him. "你以为我看你哭到这样我的心不痛吗 (You think I see you cry until like that I don't feel miserable too)?? You have a bright future ahead of you, don't let it be ruined by one guy"

HAHAHAHAAHAHAH fucking funny. Anyway I spent close to one thousand bucks this holidays without earning anything. I don't even have a pocket, let alone holes in my pocket

So I bade farewell to the unhappiest month of my life

December

Papa and Mama celebrated their 24th year as a married couple :D

Stopped being a hermit and met the OG

Met Timmy to shop in town, and he was a real friend to me. (: (: Thanks for listening and for all the advice!

Prawning for the first time, ever. Meet Ah Gong prawn!

Started a love affair with false eyelashes

Went for Kaskade's set at Zouk, it was the best one I've been to so far. :DDDDDDDD Had been to Zouk on the 4th, 16th, 24th, and 31st of this month. I love Zouk & Phutureeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. *jumps

A kiss to end off the entry!

In all honesty, 2011 was a bitch. But writing this entry has allowed me to find precious treasures -- memories -- on many different occasions, with many different people. I think I met many guys and ran away from many things. But I'm proud of myself for being mature whilst handling certain issues. (: In a way I lost faith in myself and depended entirely on another to make myself whole. That in itself is a mistake, and I shall not be putting myself through such pain again. I now understand that one has to have a lot more faith in oneself, and LOVE YOURSELF A HELL LOT. Sometimes it pays to take care of yourself more. If you're good, they'd go to you, just naturally. It's like how both Arthur and Lancelot love Guinevere because she has a good heart; she needn't prove anything to others, y'knw? YES I'VE BEEN WATCHING MERLIN HAHAHAHAHAHAAH.

I also grew a lot closer to my siblings, and parents, and granny. I hope this is something that keeps going on. Family will always be the most important to me. Then friends. I thank all my stars for the friends I've found, they are really treasures.

2011 made me a better person, and for that I am grateful.

To all my readers: I hope you've had an awesome year, and that you've learnt from your experiences like I've had. I hope you had your smiles, and you had your tears; I hope you've been kind, and you've been gracious. I hope you know your self worth. If you haven't, if you're like me, and still in search for the best you can be, don't fret. There's still time. May 2012 be a better year, may 2012 bring more happiness and wisdom, may the new year bestow you with joy.

(: I don't think I've quite looked forward to a new year as much as I have done this year.

BYE 2011, HELLO 2012!

WE HAVE YOUR ATTENTION

2011-12-31T15:56:00.000+08:00

this is Portia and that is Pamela

IT IS THE LAST DAY OF 2011. Good riddance to you, you bloody fucked up year. I'm sorry for the crudeness, but in all honesty, this has got to be the worst possible year ever. God, please don't display your sense of twisted humor and prove my proclamation wrong. I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I'm not saying everything has been entirely disastrous though -- I did learn a lot from ALL my experiences. Reading my past entries I've always gone "I've been so stupid I'm NEVER going to let it happen to me again." And whilst I've never committed the exact same mistakes twice, I've realised they generally stem from the same cause, i.e. my being a complete prat and taking everyone's words at surface level. WHY AM I SO NAIVE?! This is the one last time I'm going to believe everything someone tells me.

I shall be less harsh on my reflection post. \o/

Yesterday, I watched Ju-On because the Pops laughed at my not daring to watch the show. I know, way to go reverse psychology, right? In the end, even though I was so tired I just didn't dare to sleep. Whatsapped Huda about silly matters and in the end she coaxed me to try to sleep -- "Put an umbrella next to your bed!" LOL when I saw this all I thought was "Man don't ghosts always hide in umbrellas HAHAHAAHHAHA yes, total retard -- at three plus and I fell asleep to Swedish House Mafia and Armin van Buuren. Had a fitful three hours of sleep and I woke up looking like death. I probably looked like the little ghost boy and his ghost mother with the creaking joints. The hell.

Woke up and ate eight peanut butter biscuits. :D Peanut butter I love you. Then I tried to watch teevee until I got too sleepy. LUCKILY, there's a wedding going on downstairs! And they had -- are still having -- karaoke, so I fell asleep on the couch to lovely emotional loveydovey songs and happy noises and the bright sunlight. AHHHH JOY.

Then I was awakened by some strange call. *-*

Oily face says hello

Got caught by my mommy dancing with my earphones on. SO EMBARRASSING, why like that. Then while I was vacuuming the floor, the ironing board almost fell onto my head while I was sprawled on the ground. Her retort: "Kena your head then see how you dance tonight" Hahahahaha love the momo.

I don't know what's the point of this post besides saying: Every one of us is worth something. We may make mistakes, we may have hurt people in the past, we may be better than the ones around us, we may know the difference from right and wrong and regret our decisions, but please have faith in knowing that you are not alone. Please take a step closer to the future knowing your self-worth, knowing that there are people wishing for the best for you, knowing that there are people who've been through the same suffering as you have. I have faith in myself, regardless of the slips that I've made this year. Do you have faith in yourself? For my sake, please just look at yourself in the mirror and say "You deserve to be happy." Pull yourself out of that gloom.

For what it's worth, I'll always have faith in you.

2011-12-30T03:51:00.000+08:00

should probably start sleeping earlier

Consequence

2011-12-29T03:37:00.001+08:00

I used to be braver. I used to do things, say things, without worrying about the consequences. Sometimes people got hurt. Sometimes I made too huge an impact and I left without a word. I'm living with the consequences now. I'll try to be less rash a person.

When I was younger, when I was angry with my brother, I threw all his clothes outside his door then locked my room door refusing him entry to the closet. He never cared, because my mom always ended up being the one folding the clothes.

PONDOK RASA @ Beach Road!

2011-12-28T01:49:00.000+08:00

*points to right corner*

Hello peeps, there's a Nuffnang ad for acne-fighting solutions at the right column, CLICK on it to get a free sample! I'm currently having a lil' trouble with pimples so this ad caught my attention. I guess I ate too many chocolates and fried and oily food these past few days. The appetite has been monstrous of late, and I've no reason to attribute this to. I suppose I just want to eat :D EATING HONESTLY BRINGS HAPPINESS. I am so happy from eating Crunchies and Van Houten Raisin chocolates. Of course we have to deal with the consequences -- like breakouts and exercising more -- but it's okay, good food is worth it, right?

Continuing in this vein, I have a place to introduce you guys to today!

Pondok Rasa at 103 Beach Rd #01-02 (Tan Quee Lan St), Singapore 189704! That's the full address but click HERE to be linked to their facebook page for more information. It's actually really easy to get there; cross the busy street from beside Bugis' Starbucks to the Ritz Apple Strudel Cafe and continue walking down that stretch of shops -- where you will pass an incredibly beautiful wedding dress bridal shop which currently has THE. MOST. STUNNING. peach-colored floor length tube dress on its display now. I would want to get married simply for that dress, I swear. I stood for a good minute gaping at the dress while walking past it recently -- then cross a tiny road and you'll be there!

Aren't you tempted by the captivating photos? It's a restaurant selling authentic Indonesian food! I know, maybe when you hear "Indonesian food", no familiar image pops into mind, unlike Thai food, which immediately brings to mind Tom Yum Soup, which was exactly how I felt too. But I am all for new foodie explorations! *rubs tummy

Insisting on taking a photo with the restaurant front

All taken by Flea Ng, THANKS :D

She loves spamming unglam shots of me though ): They take up a lot of memory space

But I managed to salvage three for this collage, which I think is pretty cool

ANYWAY I LOVE MY SWEATER DON'T YOU LOVE MY SWEATER

I first saw it on ohsofickle's webstore but didn't give a single thought because I'm so not a sweater kind of person, unlike Mrs Twit, but when I was walking around in Far East Plaza, its pinkness just killed me. (': IT'S SO SWEEEEEEEET. However after reaching home I realised there was a stitch out in the sleeve and went back to exchange it before meeting the rest. YES I WORE IT STRAIGHT AFTER; it's the first I've done something like this though many of my friends tell me they wear stuff without washing them. It just shows how much I love the pinkness of it. I was so eager to wear it! I LOVE MY PINK SWEATER

The funny thing is, when I showed Huda this photo, saying "Na since you're my best friend you can see it first" And she went "OMG I ALMOST GOT THAT" and I replied "Are you serious! It's like my first sweater! I don't know why I like it so much!" And we both typed, at the same time:

Huda: Yeah I saw it online somewhere but I didn't get it in the end because it had pink
Me: I THINK IT WAS THE PINKNESS THAT GOT ME

We laughed so hard, I swear. I don't know how we're total opposites and so similar at the same time!

Okay okay enough about the sweater, back to food :D

But first, I really like Gannuer's bag hahahah

And the blur queen takes four slips for us to fill out when we only need one -_-

Present: Zhiwei, Gannuer, Madam, Yokecheng!

We pored over the menu, taking in the photos and listening to the advice of Gannuer -- afterall, someone is the girlfriend of the chef, eh? :3

You can have a look at the menu on their facebook page!

Zhiwei decided on this:

Cucumber juice!

It's very refreshing and light, great for quenching your thirst on a warm day. (:

Flea and I shared this, Passionfruit juice

Very yummy and sweet (: (: (:

Belovedzx

This is our awkward smile

Miss Neo with her favorite mashed potatoes!

My main course!

Star of my main course! It's green curry, it's called Soto Medan (shredded chicken). I like that the spices're really well balanced, however I recall it being a tad too salty for my liking. But I am not a fan of salty things, so that I suppose, is relative.

Flea sabotaging my photo ):

An eye for an eye!! :D

We're retards, deal with it hahahahaahaha

Gannuer with her Curry Chicken :D Also very nice, but I like my green curry more! It's more fragrant

Zhiwei with her Curry Beef!

Asked Gannuer to show the mifen heehee

DINGDINGDING Actually the star of the day was this:

The Grilled Chicken Set!!

There is caramelised gulu melaka (palm sugar) coating the chicken, which gives it a nice burnt sugary taste -- I cannot get over how yummy it is! Kept stealing from Flea

Flea wrote a recommendation for Pondok Rasa on Facebook: "The BEST Grilled Chicken I've had! Makes me keep going back. place is cosy, clean and wonderful ambience. Authentic indo food. Very amazing how every dish can be of such high culinary standard. Kudos!
Try it and you'll never look back."

*nods* Wo zhen de hen xi huan. HAO CHI LEH!!

For all Muslim friends, the restaurant doesn't have a Halal certification, because they serve beer, but the food is supplied by all the proper channels! That's what Selamat told me (:

Avocado juice! I honestly, truly, am not a fan of avocado. I know it's supposed to be healthy and full of antioxidants but with the fruit, I've somehow always gotten stringy ones and with the juice, the creaminess makes me nauseous. So when Gannuer and Selamat insisted I should try this, because it's very different from what I've had, I was extremely skeptical. But when I tried it, it was pretty good! The chocolate sauce balanced out the creaminess of the avocado nicely. I wouldn't say it's my favorite drink, but it has certainly improved my opinion of avocado juice.

I would say this though, this is my favorite goreng pisang *_* I was in awe when I bit into it. Usually, when I buy goreng pisang, I encounter two types: either really thick batter which leaves a space between the banana and the flour, or flaky thin batter, both of which are not satisfactory. BUT THE GORENG PISANG HERE IS AWESOME!! The batter is so crispy. I asked Selamat why, I think I literally gaped and just had to know -- he uses fish&chip's batter to make it. WAHLAO WHY SO SMART.

Chendol for dessert!

He whipped up these for us!

Corn fritter thingys

I think what I really like about the place, besides the fantastic food, and the laid back, chill decor, is the hugeass mirror. LOL

Last thing Selamat recommended: TAPE, pronounced Ta-pai. Biting into it is like biting into a chunk of alcohol-laced jackfruit. I liked the first bite but it got too overwhelming for me after. Flea and Gannuer gobbled it down though. :3

Looking like chickens HAHAHAHAH

Gannuer and Selamat :D

Asked him to take photos for us (:

Love this shot! It's so candid & Miss Neo looks so cute

Thank you Selamat for inviting us over to your restaurant (we paid for our food, please don't be insane hahahaha. But he treated us to all the extras, saying we just had to try them)! (: (: I really enjoyed myself there, and when I went back for a second time recently, I got to try the Mango Sticky Rice -- which isn't on the menu, you'd have to ask if Selamat would want to make it for you, because he made it only for Gannuer heehhehehe -- some fish swimming in FABULOUS chilli concoction, and to eat my lovely goreng pisang again! All did not disappoint. So go on ahead to have a meal there if you happen to be shopping in the Bugis area!

Zhiwei had to leave after dinner, but the rest of us walked around a lil'. While Flea's soul was being sucked by Ettusais products, Gannuer and I made stupid faces:

Then Gannuer returned home while Flea and I loiter around in town, grocery shopping at Marks and Spencer

I got this, which is happiness in a cup. MMMMM (: Love the smell

While Flea's detox concoction tasted horrible gawddddddd. I think it's the combination of nettle and milk thistle

HEEHEE I GOT THE SPECS

\o/

Okay I'm replying tags now hahahhah

sinyee:
(hearts) you are worth it pamela!

THANKYOU YEE BABY (:

alice:
Omg why u blogged about and sec choir moments. Feel so ... now T.T (can't find the words)

Haha I was looking through my email and I discovered it! Haha bu yong emo okay, we've got videos :3

wanchun:
Hahaha your stern face looks more like a hot pose for a magazine cover :3 Hehehe. And I hope we meet up soon! Then I can treat you to ice cream

HAHAHAAHAH NA LI HUI?!?!!? Yes wanchun m'dear I haven't seen your pretty face for so long, miss you!!!

min:
if that's your stern face, nobody will be scared.

D: JUST INDULGE ME CAN

sinyee:
hate my fringe ahhahahaa

Hair is hair is hair. Think about my sec two self. :3

alice:
In awe when I see the lobster-prawn hybrid again hahaha. :D

AH GONG PRAWN!!

ken:
fix the last pic leh, my hair looks very very high ):

No one noticed until y'mentioned it HAHAHAHA. Sorry la I think my pancake lens has a bit of fisheye sometimes. Idk how to fix, me no know how to use photoshop O:

THANK YOU FOR TAGGING, AS ALWAYS, LOVE Y'ALL :D

Just uploaded and tagged two whole albums of photos and am super exhaused, but.. Half my closet is strewn over my bed and I'm too lazy to fold the clothes -_- am contemplating sleeping downstairs tonight but watched them play Resident Evil the other day hence memory of zombies still fresh in head. Yes, self is coward, admittance is voluntary. Shall snuggle into my Italia sweater and fold my clothes speedily *NINJA FACE

Ciaociao, loves (:

I love you more than any universe

2011-12-27T03:20:00.001+08:00

I'm starting to forget how your face looked like. How you walked, how you smelt. The way you smiled, the way you held my hand. I can't remember the way you pulled me close to you.

As much as I want to hold on to these things, I know it's better to let things be. These material matters were but what they were. Experiences and emotions.. I have those to be grateful for.

I am angry, that you did not treasure me. Everything that I did for you. And I now recognize when someone is treating me as arm candy. I'm not a little girl anymore.

But my anger has dissipated, and that is all.

Have yourselves, a merry little christmas

2011-12-25T14:03:00.000+08:00

It is Christmas.

I don't know what to feel, perhaps that is fine. It is a whirlwind of emotions, thinking about what happened a year ago, thinking about what has happened this past year. I have come to realise, almost everything is transient. I don't even feel much now, when I consider everything else, along with how important you were to me -- because, one can get attached to people, and feel that they're important to them, but, that's the thing, it's plural. People. There'll never be one person. This year, I became close to many people and I drifted away. Maybe I was running away, maybe I don't dare to.. I don't know. Things have proven themselves, there's no need for words. You were right, in a way, actions speak louder than words. The lack of action... But I learnt from it. I learnt so much from being hurt. Most importantly, I learnt that the opinion I have of myself will be the most important, and that I should stop putting myself down.

I learnt that my family, and my friends will, forever and ever, be the most sincere relationships in my life.

It is Christmas.

I'm thankful for all that I've gone through, and for all that I have in my life.

Just spoke to the exboyfriend, and I'm glad he's okay. I think I'll forever feel a tinge of guilt when I think about him, because I never was the best I could be, when I was with him, but I'll forever love him in the way people affectionately love their first loves. He meant the world to me, once, and he always wanted the best for me (and still does, from the way he told me to buck up on my studies, pfft).

It is Christmas.

I am happy.

OHHH, SOMETIMES I GET A GOOD FEELING

2011-12-24T14:57:00.001+08:00

IT'S about time my stern (& emotional) face got pulled off the front page! It's a downer isn't it :3 Sorry for the lack of updates for the past few days. I've been really upset about my results and thinking a lot about what I should do with my life in general.

.. TO THROW IT AWAY OR NOT TO!??!

Okay no, I kid. I treasure my life more than that. Besides doing some thinking, I've also been told by my mom, specifically, to "not step out of the house". So I've been.. grounded?!?!? O: O: O: Okay not really. She's quite disappointed -- because I've never been so CANDID about my studies -- thus I'm trying to make it up by being really good now.

I made lunch yesterday:

Creamy baked vegeroni. Love the crusty salty parmesan bits on top.

Taken with the iphone so pardon the lack of clarity. I WAS VERY DISAPPOINTED WITH IT, it didn't turn out as amazing as the last time I made it. *fumes* I checked the previous photos and I think it's because I substituted unsalted butter with olive butter or that the amount was wrong. PEW

From the last time, using penne

My mom had bought a pack of ham; I felt so carnivorous that I made this this morning:

Eggs with ham& onions :D

I learnt a lesson - to never throw in chopped ingredients into a hot pan right after chopping the ingredients. When I threw the onions in, there was a hell lot of sizzling and my mom, seated at the dining table, whooshed her head around so fast and gleefully said "YOU NEVER WAIT FOR THE INGREDIENTS TO DRY FIRST?!" My guilt-ridden face said it all. WAHLAO then I had to mop and wipe the whole area.. *twiddles thumbs

Also, to caramelize onions, one must have more patience than Pamela does.

SINCE I am stuck at home with nothing to do, all I can do is blog with more photos! :D Onward to another laid back, chill and neighbourhood kid activity.

WE WENT PRAWNING!

I was quite excited 'cos I'd never gone before, plus Huimin and Edmund kept teasing me and saying I'd definitely scream having to touch the bait and when I catch my first prawn. They said it with such definite belief that I'd catch more than one while in my mind I was thinking I'd be hella lucky to even get one HAHAHAHAH.

But first, I met Alice on the way to Sengkang!

I had blundered onto the bus in my usual haphazard manner, so I didn't register anyone else's presence in the bus, then I received a text saying "Hello look behind u..." Even though it was her number I still turned my head around slowly as if with horror music accompanying the scene HAHAHAHAAHAH. Horrible girl, she said she should've ducked after sending the text to freak me out ):

We were at Hai Bin Prawning at Punggol! I think it's pretty famous among people my age because I see people checking in onto it on Facebook all the time. But in any case the people there were of all ages! From really old ah peks to middle aged women to young teenagers to ~~annoying~~ lil' pricks running about flinging their rods. WE BELONG IN THE YOUNG TEENAGERS CATEGORY LOL

VONG! :D

Minzx & Meinu!

Ai li si :D

The place was blasting.. CLUBBING MUSIC *jaw drops* Rnb hits. I was tickled haahhahaha because the crowd just did not gel with the music being played.

VONGER I think we look pretty alike here! D: Hohoho

PRAWNING FACE, ON!! (Compare this to photos of my going clubbing HAHAHAHAAH. There's quite a difference, no? But I'm really, quite the neighbourhood kid. At least, I used to be. We don't forget our roots, yo)

But I lost my from the hood nerves when I saw this

YUCK

At that time Meinu had said it was rotten hum (cockles found in laksa?), but he found out later that it's actually chicken heart. WHYYYYYYYYYY OMG

*shudder

Here's the rod

Forced yee to pose with it heehee :3

The only experienced guy putting the bait for us; Huimin had gone prawning before too but she let Meinu do the dirty job. Alice, Andy, Yee and I hadn't gone before!

SO INTENT ON HIS JOB HAHAHAHA

Meinu's bicep seems to have gotten bigger O:

Minzx refusing to pose ):

First catch!! I was very excited when it came out of the pond. I think Huimin caught it :D One for the girls! Oh, we had a guys vs girls competition going on

Have a closer look at the blue-shelled prawn

I had a go and I. Literally. Could. Not. Feel a thing when the prawn caught on onto the bait. NO FOR REAL!! My first catch was a fluke, Huimin was standing by my side and she saw my float thingy dip so she grabbed my free arm and told me to pull the rod up. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH lameass shit, I am. But think about it!! How much strength would a friggin' small prawn have?!?! How could I have felt its tug hahaahahahaha

Boss having a go. He's as skinny as the rod

And he catches one! Meinu kept chastising him for not keeping his float thingy afloat and straight heehee

This one has roe ._. MAMA PRAWN

Na give you artistic shot

As you can probably tell, and have probably predicted, this lady here soon lost interest. HA I was more interested in people watching than catching a prawn. I couldn't concentrate and in my defence, even if I was, I COULDN'T FEEL THE PRAWN TUGGING!! -_- I kept thinking there was something at my rod but everytime I brought it up there was nothing. -_- But I caught three in the end I think hahahaha.

Gave up and got a corona

Sit until macam coolie worker, just shake leg and drink beer. LOL. Yee, on the other hand, was very busy because her cousin was there and taught her how to fish too!

However, then came a shocker. Liz caught a HUMONGOUS PRAWN

IT WAS GIGANTIC

POSING LIKE A PRO!! :D

I very keenly tried to take as many shots as they would let me

Pulling its long pincers off

Meinu looking in awe of the ancient creature. We coined it AHGONG prawn. It must have been either a grandma or a grandpa in its old age! It wasn't even struggling, too old to fight

IT'S EATING MEINU'S HEAD!!

Nem looking very chill after the episode. I think he was more excited for his SNSD concert.

Whilst they continue prawning, I..

Take more photos :D

THE ENDING SCORE:

The... GIRLS won 'cos the gigantic prawn was worth five prawns!! :DDDD *covers ears to anything else anyone says

Spot AH GONG PRAWN!

We head out to wash and skewer the prawns.

By that time it was already 3plus and the clubbing music had ceased. They suddenly played random chill music like hokkien songs and emo chinese songs. D:

Boss refusing to pose properly ):

The skewering was strangely, fascinating yet horrible to watch. I guess when the prawns get displayed in the midst of hokkien mee we don't think much of it, but when you're there and watching -- I didn't dare to skewer it -- it's just.. painful I guess. Watching their struggling legs

PRAWNING ONLY LEH PAMELA NG MUST THINK SO MUCH MEH ):

Aye but I suppose there's always the food chain as a reason. Yes?

Ah gong prawn getting skewered

(:

Nem up to his antics behind me -_-"

Love these three ladies (:

We were all pretty tired by then so please excuse all the fatigued yet happy expressions!! Chef Kenelm Ramsey went to work cooking for us and got yelled at as if in Hell's Kitchen. PRAWNS'RE DAMN DIFFICULT TO COOK! I only had one, and Meinu had peeled off the shell of that one for me WAHAHAH

Look at how big Ah Gong Prawn is next to a normal one. We didn't even pick a smaller one on purpose!

"Hello, grandson"

We then adjourn to Nem's house to nua. Huimin, Vong, Meinu and I played Bridge!!! FUCKING AWESOME HAVEN'T PLAYED IN SO LONG. Playing Bridge at five in the morning takes some skills, okay? Apparently I don't have said skills because I was on a losing streak from the beginning. LOL each of them lost as my partner. But my luck picked up and I remember winning a 4 diamonds! :D Forgot who was my partner though O:

Ending off with Mac's breakfast :D

Nemmy looks so happy <:)

Love these buncha people so much, don't know what I'd do without them. (:

OKAY my mom just told me I'm damn fat now I need to do something to curb my appetite ): ): ): It's been out of control these few days. I keep eating dinners at nine plus ten plus then having supper at two am NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fats are appearing everywhere

SAYONARA

Oh yes,

Happy Christmas eve, y'guys (:

Do you hear me when I breathe

2011-12-21T02:56:00.002+08:00

this is my stern face.

I recently discovered this in one of the emails I'd sent to myself:

[start]

At work, Michael Jackson’s Earth Song wriggled its way onto my playlist. Instead of skipping it like I usually do, I listened to it.

It made me think of choir.

Being two persons with different taste in music than the masses (not that MJ is that on the outskirts but still, you know. Earth song!), Huda and Yihan suggested showing the music video to the 2007 SYF batch of Anderson Secondary School choir for us to feel the emotions that we ought to feel and portray while singing Kasar Mie La Gaji.

[Digress] I just googled Kasar Mie La Gaji to check if I got the name right – I didn’t, by the way, I wrote Kasar Mie La Gahi – and there is a gasp group on Facebook called Kasar Mie La Gaji is one of the worst choir songs ever! Isn’t that atrocious? It is one of the best songs, puhlease. [/Digress]

All of us were camped in the music room, expectant and slightly giggly.

Somehow, it’s in everyone’s genetic makeup to behave like little children when a large crowd occupies a dark room, only dimly lit by the blue light from the LCD screen.

When the video started, the bubble of incredulity in my mind grew. It only disappeared when I started listening to the lyrics and take in all the horrid photos of the dying animals.

It helped, you know. Visualising the images from the video when singing Kasar. The earth is tired.

The raw emotion on his face, the impact of his music – it perfectly describes how we are forsaking Mother Earth.

It really made me feel for the song.

Two days before SYF, we had practice. We were so bad it hurt. We weren’t scolded, though. Ms Lim was sort of resigned. “If you all do your best, it will be good enough,” she said. Or something like that.

Of course everyone knows that. But in our hearts, if we give our best, and failed to BE the best, it is equivalent to nothing (i.e FAILURES, we how we felt like, in secondary two; there was so much self-reproach. We could have, we should have, what ifs.)

18th April 2007

In the music room, we sang through our songs one last time before leaving for VCH.

When we finished Kasar, there was a shift in the atmosphere. There seemed to be a glimmer of hope in the air. The thought of silver award flitted in all our minds. It seemed to be within reach.

For myself, mortification was much more pronounced than the hope of clinching silver award. For the last move of Kasar, we were to raise our arms to the sky in a show of… anger. Right? That’s how the song goes. First, sadness for how the earth is mistreated. Second, mourning. Lastly, anger, in order for people to start taking action. At least, that’s how I remember it. People who are more musically inclined or have a better memory, feel free to correct me. :D Or you could just shut up.

Well anyway, I was extremely mortified because I put down my arms much earlier than anyone else, because my heel was caught on to the end of my gown! Ms Lim noticed and even said, “Can only put down when I signal ah!”

I was so embarrassed, and I prayed like mad that the incident would not repeat itself during the actual event. I vaguely remember deciding that if the same thing occurred, I would just hold up my arms and let my gown rip. LOL.

When we went on stage, I felt like I was having an out of body experience, yet I was very much aware that I was right there, along with my choir mates, with Ms Lim in front of us, arms poised, telling us so many things with her tensed smile, a quick nod and flick of her hair. I strongly remember a great sense of pride when the basses (and tenors, those who could reach the note, anyway) started singing Kasar. I could hear each individual voice – Chewy’s, Yihan’s, Vernon’s – but they sounded like one.

I think the song was amazing. I can’t remember much of it sounded like, but I remember vividly, each emotion I felt at each part of the song. At the end of it, I was breathless, but I was exhilarated. We did it!

An excerpt from my post that day:

HAHA it was totally funny. Subeer called me(i was in the empty canteen with flea, alice & gannuer) and said we got GWH. I didn't believe him, and ran to meet him. Then he confirmed that he wasn't lying. Then i ran back to the canteen to tell them. Then i was so high. Ran a few twirly rounds in the parade square. But still didn't really believe Dutt. So i called Yeeching to confirm. She said, "WE GOT A THREE LETTER AWARD. DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT'S GWH OR NOT." (We can't possibly get C.O.P right) So i went crazy and ran more rounds. Screamed like crazy. Screamed like siao. Screamed GOLDWITHHONOURS at the top of my lungs. Suddenly i felt teary. Felt so happy i could burst. Started crying. Gannuer got affected and cried too. We worked so hard. Flea started tearing. I cried black tears cos my mascara ran. So horrible. Alice wiped my face for me. Thank you darling. We worked so hard.

The hilarious thing was, just among the five of us (4 & kelicia), we screamed so loudly that Mr Koh actually opened the window of the staff room to look out to see what was happening! LOL. I couldn't stop laughing after that. It was this combination of crying and laughing. Lol.

Damn. One song brought back countless emotions.

I’ll never ever be able to describe adequately, even to five per cent, how much I respect and adore Ms Lim, and her dedication to Anderson Sec choir. I’ll never be as fluent, and I’ll never be able to write out a beautiful paragraph about her effort, her abilities, and her intelligence. But knowing that she’s the best should suffice.

[/end]

Somehow, along the way, I lost the person who was able to write with emotions -- to bring across how she's feeling. I was more passionate about my studies, about people around me (maybe that didn't change), about my responsibilities.. everything. I cared more about everything. Maybe I still do, but without the appropriate people around me, with jobs handed down to me, I don't seek out anything for myself. Perhaps this is a wake up call. Maybe I need a huge jolt before I realise I cannot possibly drift about with no goals. I REALLY APPRECIATE your phone call. It cleared my mind a little.

Smoke signals wouldn't have brought across my words

.

"There is still time," you say. And you hug me.

.

If you need some cheering up, please try this:

Sourmilk at Far East Plaza, it's next to shilin snacks!

I usually get plain yogurt at Yoguru and Red Mango (both of which I am huge, crazed fans of), but strangely, I like the flavored ones at Sourmilk. The girl working there is really pretty too, I made friends with her :3 and she gave me her staff discount! Hahahaaha on first buy. Anyway this happened like half a year ago; look at my long silky hair which had only been bleached once. SIGH. Anyway, Jaryne's really friendly and nice, but I think she's stopped working there.

GRANOLAAAAAAA

You squeeze the button to get the yogurt and spoon the toppings yourself! Mine always looks like crap. Like literally, poop.

But evs. This is yogurt induced happiness. And that was lunch.

This was dinner!

And this. But Gelare's and Ice Creme Man's (at Haji Lane) beat this.

Randomly asked the primary school crush out. We were at Tom's Palette! Near Suntec City. :D The ice cream is fabulous. I had ordered a lychee with rose petals -- IT WAS SO LIGHT and it made me feel like I was having tea with Mad Hatter. I can't remember the other flavor though. I remember tasting salted egg and gagging. Eeps.

Ice cream is all we need to keep sadness at bay

Anyway my friend Melcher works there! He is very cute so pop down for a visit if you wanna grab some awesome ice cream and check him out LOL.

.

I need sleep to clear my head. It is three am.

2011-12-20T08:44:00.003+08:00

You expected these results, so there's no point in crying over split milk.

So you see, it's not worth it. It'll never be worth it.

versace

2011-12-19T04:15:00.000+08:00

Maybe I should convince myself first before I try to be happy again. Maybe I should really grieve and just let myself go.. Maybe I'll never be okay, but -- I know I will, somehow or the other. Because it's up to myself. In the meantime though, I really, truly thank all these people around me who're trying their best to make me see I deserve better. A few days back, I broke down and Momma just hugged me and all I could do was look at her through screwed up eyes and cry.

"我的心好痛..."

.

Today I indulged in laksa with a lot a lot a lot of extra chilli for supper. It was very satisfying! Haven't given in to my cravings for a very long time. I feel a little queasy now though. Too much oil.

I've been listening to deadmau5 a lot so life is good. It is four am.

KASKADE @ ZOUK

2011-12-18T02:35:00.001+08:00

Dear diary,

yesterday I relapsed.

.

HI BLOG I AM ARMED WITH PHOTOS. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy a bimbotic update by yours truly. :D All my photo albums have been haphazard of late, and there's no semblance of chronological order in my iPhoto anymore. THE OCD IN ME IS HORRIFIED. Aye but I need some cheering up, so here are photos of me in which I feel I look pretty.

I managed to convince Ng Yoke Cheng to go to Zouk with me yesterday, because Kaskade was playing and I really wanted to go. I think I started listening to Kaskade because... of some random track in Pete Tong's show. AND HE IS FUCKING AWESOME.

As with preparations for going out, there are also preparations to be done before clubbing. I secretly enjoying the whole dressing up bit, I think. A tad too much. I recently tried on falsies by myself (the first time being Flea helping me a couple years back, and the next couple was during grid girl time!), and I'm AMAZED at the difference those wispy ends make. D: I've always loved the feeling of mascara, especially clumpy mascara, so I've never really bothered with falsies, but they really make your eyes pop. However I'm still trying to grasp putting them on properly, heh.

Besides makeup, there is also the outfit, the body creams, the body glitter, the perfume, the HEELS, and the hair. It's a ritual. I recently bought Urban Decay's Honey Sparkling Lickable Body Powder to replace my The Body Shop's Cranberry Joy Shimmer Lotion:

I think I was just really sold on the faggoty royal purple puff provided. And the fact that it's edible! ANYONE WANT TO LICK ME? :D

Yesterday was a day of using new stuff; I had a new dress on, new heels, using my new body glitter, curled my hair using my new curling iron, and was wearing new falsies! Heehee

Picked Flea up in a cab:

Topshop Black Suede MaryJanes. I swear they look more formidable in real life. They're fucking six inches!

And all those efforts should be translated to peektures, no? :D

Pretty bestie! :D

We were just plonking around in the backseat of the cab annoying the cabbie with camera flashes and behaving like zombies. She tried to lick me! LOL

Tried doing eyeshadow slightly different this time..

I'm just going to upload the photos without narration okay!

I THINK I LOOK PRETTY HERE. Doesn't look like me LOL

We both look so gay here! Was snorting at something she said and couldn't hold in my laughter

Brandishing the legs in war shoes

Flea looks so pretty here!! I looked like shit hence the crop

Met Flea's friend from school, Alex, for the first time! He waited for half an hour for us, poor guy *sheepish WELL WE'RE WORTH THE WAIT. Heh. Then we met with Yihan and a few other Anderson sec peeps. :D

Alex and Flea!

Shot on the sleazy bridge. This is my first bodycon dress! Actually, it's also my first horizontal striped dress. I have always felt extremely selfconscious and too fat to be seen in a bodycon dress but I like this one! :D

Love the bestie's jumpsuit!

Love the bestie too. (:

Went inside, and I saw Nicholas Tan -- I always see his twitter name, museorama, SO sometimes I refer to him as that in my mind it's kinda funny hahahaha -- and in my excitement to greet him I fell over the podium -_-" Now my right leg has a stretch of bruises on the bone. Boo.

KASKADE WAS REALLY AWESOME. The music was so good. I regretted leaving Zouk for a few minutes to check out Phuture (only made me feel bad anyway, I shan't step into Phuture for a long, long, long time) and coming back to have Nic tell me I missed Levels ): ): BUT IT'S OKAY because the whole night was brilliant. Man the music was fucking awesome. Danced till I got so high, I felt like I was reaching the sky. I could jump in my six inch pumps, too! The only slightly off putting thing was getting guys asking me to dance with them.. :/ I don't know how to put this nicely, but, I just prefer to dance on my own. Sounds so anti-social lololol. But of course I dance with friends! :DD

I think I was like a crazed lady 'cos I kept yelling at Yihan "I LOVE THIS TRACK!! I LOVE THIS!!" and we'd exchange song names while dancing together. :DDDD

The six inches does take some getting used to, though. My muscles were aching like mad. I shall do the heels justice by taking proper photos of them soon, aite? (: I was really annoyed when someone spilt a jug near me though -- my heels were drenched in alcohol ):

Okay I'm going to leave a few youtube videos here for you to listen to which were dropped by Kaskade so you can have a slight feel -- only a slight feel though, there is no beating the real thing by being there and dancing like fuck with all the rest of the crazed people -- of how high I was last night!

:D

(why the girl so pretty!!!! JEALOUS MAX)

In no order whatsoever. I am so not a deejay hahahaahahaha

Waiting eagerly for another favorite of mine to play at Zouk WHOOP!!

el major, forever and ever <:

2011-12-16T14:24:00.001+08:00

This is very random, but..

I think my favorite semester will forever be sem 2 of freshman year. I took psycholinguistics and discourse structure, and they were, genuinely, two of the modules which left remarkable influences on my impressionable mind. Especially because they had been given by two professors who are truly teachers in their right. They nurture and their words make me think and so very much appreciate all these thoughts brought up by them -- because I won't take my right to learn for granted. Prof Abraham and Dr. Oh really helped me in my decision to be an English Language major, regardless of how many people scoff at my decision and my so called limited career choices, I know, in my heart, I enjoy what I'm learning now.

I will forever, and ever, be in awe of the power of language.

Let's not talk about last sem hahahahaah

hello, bunny ears

2011-12-16T03:38:00.000+08:00

REPLYING THE TAGS:

flea:
HAHAHA I laughed so hard at your reindeer pose
can upload or send me the photos? Eh you know I love you

DAMN I haven't uploaded the photos D: D: love you too hunnybunny!

sinyee:
the previous time was when we went to sing right?? haha anyway i dont like marble slab!!! but cold stone is niceeeeeee

HAHA yes at teoheng! Oh marble slab is overrated, meep

alice:
Omg didn't know u took us when we were eating lol!

I am master of SNEAKINESS ^-^

zhi wei:
i inherited the neo family's ass. i swear at least 1 girl per generation has the huge/qiao ass. XD anyway! i DID hit the lib meeeeep hope you'll feel better yeah (-;

It's okay, I love your qiao ass LOL. Eh I've been reading too. DEPRESSING STUFF. Aww thanks dearie. Love ya

flea:
whooooooo (heart)

WHOOP

joanne:
yea french manis make you look more demure LOL

YOUR GANMA IS THE EPITOME OF DEMURE, OKAY?! *ahemahem Okay I can't even say that without wanting to um chio

Huda:
All the hugs in the world. See you soon k? (heart)

LOL we always tag with hugs but we never ever hug each other when we see each other

wanchun:
(heart) sending you some love. By the way, your hair looks gorgeous ^^

HEEHEE Thanks love! Miss you, can we meet up soon!!

zhi wei:
giving you my virtual hug! (& hazard is so cute)

EHEHEEHE we'll be seeing him soon :D

Huda:
(hearts) sian you made me tear #wtf. But thank you xinfinity, ily max, yes we need to meet soon. *beams* YOU ARE FOREVER LOVED.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO EASY AH. You sappy twat. Yes I love you too (:

THANK YOU FOR TAGGING, MY DARLING SUGARPIES! :D

been spending fuckloads of moolah, I should try to maintain some sense of sanity and monitor what I spend on @-@ Been bumming around watching lots of random shows -- mostly detective shows and murders --, reading, prancing around in heels to dance music when left alone at home and convincing myself fbts&school tees with specs is fucking sexy, wearing makeup just for a simple dinner, drinking lotsa beer, breaking my rule of not drinking or eating things which aggravate my cough, vacuuming, and getting very little sleep. Best thing is seeing Flea a lot.

MY LIFE IS GOOD.

If all goes well, sem 1 of third year is going to be spent overseas

been taking photos mainly with the iphone, finally used the nex5 today. I really want to have brilliant photos of myself, someone with a professional camera and skillzx please offer to take my photoooooooooooooooooooo I swear I'll lose weight to look better

-- HAHAHAHAHHAAH not really

I utter rubbish almost all the time.

Bye.

don't be fooled by your emptiness
there's so much more room

for happiness

!!!!!

Happy 20th, Mrs Twit! :D

2011-12-14T01:21:00.000+08:00

TODAY'S POST IS DEDICATED TO THE BEST FRIEND ^-^

Happy birthday, Miss NoorHuda Amalina! :D

<

After looking at photos of the two of us, I conclude that we both have a love affair with coffee, ice cream, and smoked salmon. And taking photos. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH.

Happy birthday m'dear girl, you're majorly loved! I hope you enjoy this glorious day of yours -- you're FINALLY twenty, but Lord knows you have been acting more mature than what twenty year olds are expected to behave like, right? --and that your wishes all come true! :D Please be happy on this awesome day, you deserve it. Thank you for being the best friend one could have; I appreciate all the times you've been here for me, at the strangest hours, all the calls of mine that you pick up even after a couple of hours of sleep, all the words, all you've done, everything. YOU ARE BRILLIANT. :D Love you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN, MEET FOR BUX/SMOKEDSALMON/B&J SOON PLEASE?!?!

silly little girl

2011-12-13T03:00:00.000+08:00

A year ago this time, I just returned home, delirious from spending my two year anniversary with Zhenkai, and feeling contented and happy that I had him, I loved him, and that he was there with me.

I loved Zhenkai; he was the best to me, he took care of me, every time he came over I kicked him off the bed and slept like a pig while he had to entertain himself. When I wanted massages I got massages. When I threw tantrums because I didn't know what I was unhappy with he tried to find out why. Baobei. I always called him baobei. He was precious to me. I cared for him. But we weren't meant to be. Some things just aren't meant to be.

Today I'm alone.

But there's a difference between being loneliness, and solitude. I'm okay. I can't do relationships, I never could.

.

Today someone told me I was special. He told me I'd never know how much I meant to him. Then he didn't bother to elaborate. I've realised, sometimes, someone can say exactly the words you want to hear, those words to reassure you and comfort you, and then fall flat on those words. What do they call them? .. Empty promises. Someone else can make you feel like you're important to him. And make you feel worth something. But not be able to put it into words. And it's okay. Because you know, in your heart, you actually meant something to that person. You don't have to hear it in words.

You are always special
Don't ever doubt that, yea?

we found love in a hopeless place

2011-12-09T09:05:00.003+08:00

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

almost is the.. word. almost.

2011-12-08T13:28:00.001+08:00

My cough is back. After one mini mars bar! And umm. Bubble tea. And iced lemon tea. And fish&chips. IMMUNE SYSTEM, WHY YOU SO LOUSY.

(:

2011-12-08T05:21:00.001+08:00

I treasure myself more than how you were treating me.

I will be fine.

emomomo

2011-12-07T02:26:00.001+08:00

"I WILL BE HAPPY SOMEHOWWWWWW (:"

I posted that on facebook but I just discovered something unexpected and it's making me so sad I just want to cry like mad now but I really don't want to so my face is screwed up like madddd and I just read Hanson's reply on facebook to my "Hanson m'dear I'm fighting a losing battleeeeee" which is:

"Your friends are your push up bra! They will support your tender moments, and bring you back to where you are suppose to be!!! Woots"

HAHAHAHAAH SO NOW I REALLY FEEL LIKE LAUGHING AND CRYING AT THE SAME TIME plus Stromae's Alors On Danse just played on itunes and it's making me feel like dancing this is a fucking strange sensation AND FLEA IS BEING FAGGOTY ON WHATSAPP WITH RICK ASTLEY AND IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH and Da is telling me I am worth more than him as a person, that I am strong enough for this.

Y'KNW WHAT? I LOVE YOU ALL, DAMN THIS SHIT. I can't even be down because you GUYS ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME. I'll try my hardest to be okay, I will. No matter how much I miss the happiness I walked away from, I know the hurt is not worth all my tears.

Today, I finally met up with the s2 peeps after freaking longgggggg. Jasper told me Ruzaini kept asking him how come I haven't met up with them for so long :x EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH miss me right!! :D We went to Fish&Co. at the Glass House to have a belated celebration for Jasmine's 20th!

Kept staring at the woman seated at the next table because she looked damned familiar

Pearlyn & Hanson! :D LOVE YOU TWO

Fabian, Jo & YongJun!

And this is what happens when you're unskilled :3

Gah but I wasn't in much of a mood to take photos -_-" Don't know why but I feel mega unattractive these few days BOOOOOOOOO

Star of the night arrives fashionably late! Jasmine and Ruzaini :x I was very happy to find out that I wasn't the latest. 15min late! I was doing MPE haha.

The part of fish I couldn't finish, and the fries left.. I gave the rest most of my fries too! Should have just ordered dessert though I felt like I should have proper food. Next time I shall listen to my stomach instead of my mind! :D

Yewking was there too!

Then the crew brought out the cake!

And Jasmine had to stand on top of her seat hahahahaha

Love Jasmine's leather shorts! Happy belated Jasmine, hope y'enjoyed your night with us :DDD

The crew sang their birthday song like 7 times in the couple of hours we were there?! I was mildly stunned at how many groups of people were celebrating their birthday at Fish&Co. lolol

Hanson flexing his biceps to cut the freaking hard cake. I think the staff put it in the freezer by mistake lolol.

Told Hanson briefly about why I've been so emo lately and he offered me very very very apt advice. Sometimes I forget that the few added years of experience the guys in our level have really make a difference. But in Hanson's case he's just more brilliant hahahahahah lovelove.

Ruzaini really wanted a group photo so he asked one of the staff if he could help us! And here's the one taken by my camera:

After the dude returned the camera to me he said "This camera is good! How much is it? What brand is it?" WAHAHAHAHAH. NEX 5 I LOVE YOU (: best present for myself

Edited version :D

We wandered along the streets just chatting~

Christmas lights have decorated the streets everywhere but I'm not in the mood to appreciate them, meh

And I'm updating this on the SAME DAY we went out because Ruzaini has already uploaded and tagged the photos he took!! VERY STRESSFUL LEH OMG WHY HE SO EFFICIENT?!?! Okay but my photos are edited wahahaha :3

I need to stop drinking iced water my cough is coming back omggggggggggggggggg. HAIZX, after not allowing my thoughts to stray down the path of unhappiness, talking about it in the most nonchalant manner today has made me feel damn messed up once more. I realise how juvenile everything is, and how stupid I was for being so nice, but.. what I never did say was how happy I was. The contentment you made me feel was so precious.

My new year resolution for 2011 was to not take things too seriously but I've failed horribly ):

help.

2011-12-06T03:52:00.001+08:00

With all the yelling and screaming carried out in the wee hours of the morning, I am ashamed at the selfishness I have displayed. Perhaps I held on to the affairs of the heart too tightly just so I could run away from real problems; affairs of the heart are trifle matters, they are of a nonissue, they are but a child's willfulness, while these? I cannot help.

Drink Culture w Spaced Out Disco Juice!

2011-12-06T01:46:00.001+08:00

on the couch of sleepiness

one. you made me wait over an hour for you
two. you walked away from me before
three. you made me cry every day of the week

I realised all my smiles after your breaking my heart seem so forced. Or is it because I'm feeling so empty that I'm seeing things this way? My pain does not affect you in any way, I should save myself all this hurt and tears and be Okay.

Tell me, how is it possible that one can miss another so much even after walking away from that person who caused so much pain?

.

OKAY I'M ACTUALLY FINE. Got two fags taking care of my back. I hope you two fags know who you are!! *blows kisses* More than two fags actually, am extremely grateful to Boss, Hongxiu and Eric for telling me I'll be okay. :DD

Yesterday when I was down, I.. changed into my black bikini top (& happened to be wearing red panties OKAY TOOMUCHINFO) and started dancing in front of the mirror and then subsequently prancing around my bedroom yelling I'LL BE FINE I'LL BE FINE I'LL BE FINE in the dark. No other living person was at home, please do not be alarmed. I don't know why, but whenever I'm down, dancing around just always helps. Just twisting my hips, imagining the music, telling myself I'm on top of the world. It brings a smile to my face, knowing that I can still express myself with my body.. when words fail to bring any sense to these turbulent emotions.

I know I sound like a fag totally in love with myself but I'm not, okay? If I were so narcissistic I wouldn't have put myself through so much pain to be treated so badly by someone. *screams

ANYWAY I'm not here to whine again, and I actually am getting better, just hurts like fuck to think about past events. I HAVEN'T DONE MPE AND IT'S GONNA BE JAMMED WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE LIKE ME DOING LAST MINUTE INDICATIONS! Ugh.

I'd just like to tell you about a particular Thursday of mine during the month of November. Only last month! I am getting better at this anti-procrastination shit (this is irony considering the above paragraph but let's not be annoying prats shall we?) I first had lunch with Miss Neo at the Deck; we had spaghetti!

I tried to take a photo of myself with my carbonara but..

Freaking phail

We bumped into the resident biz building cat! :D I have christened him Hazard -- in my head -- because he always likes to sleep in the middle of walkways and random places which may pose precarious situations to people like me who're always glued to their phones swiping through Twitter while walking to classrooms

After school, I very randomly asked the primary school crush if he had wanted to hang out and it so happened he was free! :D So for the spontaneity camp, please. Hence we headed towards Salted Caramel at Thomson Road!

I had Lychee and Salted Caramel again hahahahaha I am not adventurous. Shall try the Horlicks flavor at.. Fion's recommendation!

Looking super tired on the last day of school (with tutorials and all)

After we split up, I still didn't feel like going home so I went to visit Flea! SO AWESOME FOR MY BESTIE TO STAY TEN MINUTES AWAY FROM ME, AYE?! :D

This was my outfit for the day. HAHAHAHAHAHA I really just wanted to annoy -- to the slightest extent, in the most affectionate manner -- my accounting tutor. Because she always likes to comment on my dressing and says I'm the typical "Arts" student and nowhere like any engineering or science student! I would then cheekily tell her I'm half a business student, to which she answers "Aiya arts and biz the same kind one la!" I think she's brilliant though. Always tells us life stories and begins tutorials only 45minutes after lesson starts, which is actually the time we should be released.

Yeah back to my outfit -- I was feeling a tad ghetto hence the kooky jacket, and the torn stockings. My tutor actually said I looked.. pretty?? that day? Or some compliment, which totally busted my bubble because I wanted her to say I was over-dressing like some little kid hahahaahahah. Flea said she loved it! Hahahahahahahah O:

I don't know why I went about wandering after school because I still had a group report to edit for submission the next day. I was just so restless, and wanting to talk to people. But my submission was still weighing heavily on my mind, so when Flea asked me if I was going to Drink Culture I very decisively said NOPE.

..

I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW HOW I ENDED UP IN A CAB WITH HER THERE, OKAY?!!? *raises hands in surrender* She's a very persuasive person. Hahahaha no, I kid -- I think I was just really fed up with everything and needed a break. And so we went!

This photo's so over exposed I can't even save her nose. *-* but love her jumpsuit it's so pretty!!

Swear the iphone's front camera needs to work better

Picked up Fion along the way and I made a new friend that night! :D We had been invited for Spaced Out Disco Juice's mini debut :D

And Spaced Out DJ is made up of DJ Bake'D who is Suren, and whom I'd just met that night, DJ Juice, Jules, & DJ Zushan, Benny! :DD I personally really like Benny's music and I went to get all those links for y'all okayyyyy go visit their pages and download their music to chill to! And if you wanna check them out live, they play at a lot of places so go check out their pages aite! :D

Drink Culture is freaking quaint and it has crystal chandeliers with the cutest motifs designed on their chairs and walls. It was my first time there and I really dig the laidback feel! And there're furry pilows heehee.

Koped this from their album! Met Joachim for the first time too, and he treated us all to awesome champagne. ^_^

Flea, Suren and Fion! Suren's our Anderson sec senior!! He started singing our school song and made me laugh like CRAZY. I just can't believe how serious he was while singing it! Flea and I joined in and we reminisced about a certain scary music teacher. @_@

Had to scoot after awhile because after all, lousy me had a paper to edit. Woke up at six to edit the bloody paper and went to hand it up for my group because none of them were in school 'cept for me with my last lecture that only lasted 45minutes. MEEP.

I belatedly come to the realisation that I met up with three different groups of people that day! I LOVE RUNNING ABOUT LIKE THIS AND MEETING NEW PEOPLE. :D

But not so much these few days. Feel so much like a lazy cat who wants to nua like this everywhere. Okay I should probably try to sleep earlier today to get better. GOODNIGHT Y'ALL, DON'T LET THE BED BUGS BITE

Love you.

screams

2011-12-05T02:48:00.000+08:00

i know the doctor told me to sleep early, but every time I stop doing anything, it gets too quiet in my head and i think about all the bad stuff that's been hurting me

so i've been up the whole day reading about murders, watching crazy monsters kill people on Fringe, and watching True Blood because eric northman is a sight for sore eyes

best friend told me i deserve better. and i know i do. it's just kind of difficult to convince myself that now.

2011-12-03T18:19:00.002+08:00

I spend my days burying my head in books which drone on and on about love, life, and people. They speak of uncertainty, they speak of unpredictability, they speak of things which linger on in our minds, which we are always afraid to say. I breathe these works of fiction in a bid to escape from what my twenty year self thinks I know is pain, I breathe them to learn and to be enlightened. I read and read and read; sometimes I get caught up in my own thoughts and I scurry to pen them down on pieces of scrap paper, sometimes I get so overwhelmed tears run down my cheeks. I think I am okay, but then I falter. I want to hold on to this thing called pain, just so there would be the slightest memory -- just so that we don't fade away, as if we had nothing. I tell myself that nothing is ever as bad as it seems, and try to smile. I sit down next to my bed and listen to the raindrops drum down. I hold on to my phone and type furiously. I tell myself that I will never be loved.

Happy 24th anniversary to the 'rents!

2011-12-03T12:55:00.001+08:00

I HAVE MORE PHOTOS! :D

Yesterday, after going to the doctor's, Flea, my mom and I had KWAY CHUP for lunch. I managed to con the both of them into eating half my bowl for me wahahahahha. All I wanted was the intestines (sounds mega gross but I like it! I dislike the kidney and liver bits though), haven't eaten that for damn long. Flea then brought me somewhere and I must say, I'm much happier now. *BEAMS I love my bestie, don't know why she cares about me so much -- when I cry she always always always gets hurt. I should be kinder to myself to stop hurting the people around me, those who genuinely care about me. (:

Then we went to get our nails done! :D

Just a hurried shot taken on the bus to show Huda my nails, heh. Whatsapp is my best friend! It's the first time I've ever gotten a French manicure! Usually I get colors. THEY'RE SO PRETTYYYYY. They make me feel so demure it's kinda strange. *-*

And.. Yesterday was my Papa & Mama's 24th anniversary! They've been married for TWENTY FOUR YEARS O: *jaw drops Heh I don't know how the generation before ours can do it, but I'm happy for them. Love the papa and momma lots! So I texted my dad saying "Eh I help you buy flowers for mom okay" and he replied "Yes please thank you"

Purple roses! And told my mom my dad had asked me to buy for her. HAHAHAHAH my dad's crazily lousy at stuff like this. But it's fine, this is what daughters are meant to do. :x

We went out for dinner at The Cafe Cartel, because it was a last minute thing (my dad's appointment was cancelled). My brothers came along too; it's been a hell of a long time since all of us went out together for a meal.

My caramel and choco frappe. SOMEONE please remind me to never order frappes from here, because the coffee taste is so mild >:/

Papa Ng and Mama Ng :D

I asked my mom if she liked roses, and she said her favorite is actually geberas. OMG SAME AS MINE HOW COME I NEVER KNEW?!?! D: D: D: so appalled and apologised fervently for getting roses but she said it was fine!

This is the younger brother

Taking selfshot with my phone

Prettiest mommy in the whole world~ (:

XIANG MA!?!? HUI XIANG MA?!?!?! I mean, do I resemble my parents? :D Sadly not as pretty as my momma, as I like to tell my dad, his features tainted my mom's and the created combination is my face LOL.

soup

The elder brother makes a rare appearance

Breaddddd

I look mega ragged because I, on top of running about since morning -- and thank you Flea for accompanying me for the entire day though we were dog-tired! -- had actually cried in the morning and didn't manage to wash my face *-*

Younger brother has this incredibly self satisfied expression on his face

My grilled pork pasta. BU HAO CHI I didn't touch three quarters of it.

The guys all had ribs; my dad the St. Louis one, my elder brother the honey coated one, my younger brother the black pepper one. Still like the first one the most.

Cheesy meatballs

Pops

Then the elder brother went off to meet his friends, and we came home, where my younger brother went off to meet HIS friends, and the 'rents had to go to my grandma's for a bit. I WAS LEFT AT HOME ALONE AGAIN LIKE WHUT?!?! I had people asking me out but I was really tired and wanted some time alone to myself so.. I very obediently listened to my dad and stayed home. Plus I had just gone to the doctor's in the morning and spent so much of my mom's money when UHC's medicine wayyyyy cheaper I felt a tad guilty heh.

OH and before they went out, my parents went downstairs first and my younger brother was still primping his hair/outfit/shoes/whatever, so I told him about what had been happening recently and he was like "YOU WANT ME TO GO GET HIM FOR YOU?!?" Haha fagass. But in any case, I made him hug me and he was, of course, in the way little brothers are when their sisters display affection, UNCOMFORTABLE and I was like eh wahlao you never hug me properly, and he gave me a tight & proper hug saying "TSK. You are deprived of love" which made me laugh so hard. Sigh, I am the most fortunate girl in the world. (:

The nails!

Then I decided I was too restless, and went back out to buy ice cream (on the elder brother's orders) and..

Bought geberas to zhng my mom's bouquet!! HAHAHAHAAH

Nice right nice right. *beams The nex 5 takes brilliant photos.

When my mom came back she was like "Eh how come the bouquet changed!"

Me: Aye you say you dont like roses what
Her: So you went to buy??
Me: Aye korkor ask me buy ice cream what
Her: ... I FORGOT TO TELL YOU MY FAVORITE COLOR IS YELLOW
Me: EH WAHLAO YOU GO AWAY LA

:x my momma likes to kid, as y'can see :D Feel so happy for the parents who treat each other with care and respect, and support each other. (: Maybe having the three of us as kids a bit pekchek but we try our best la hor? :x

Felt like taking more selfshots:

Hair was mega messy and greasy from an entire day out in a drizzle

Like this shot a lot. LOOK LIKE WABBIT

And I'm using liquid eyeliner after using a gel for damn long

This was in the previous entry

I am Queen of Convoluted Faces. \o/

Okay too sleepy for words. Medicine, y you keep making me want to sleep?

Oh I had a peep at my clinic records -- the last time I had been to that clinic was in 2009! D: siao shit, shows how much I hate seeing the doctor hahahahahahaha. Okay off to bed!

*rubs eyes

2011-12-03T00:57:00.002+08:00

All my medicine's making me super drowsy

Have a good night, everybody (:

PERSPECTIVE

2011-12-02T21:15:00.001+08:00

I'm so ridiculously happy now I should be slapped (: so happy for all these people around me, for the drama that happens in my life to make me see more clearly, to put into perspective what is truly important. I never want to wish anyone bad, I just want to learn from all this. I will be okay, because I'm in charge of my life and I will not let anyone else dictate my happiness.

To the doctor's

2011-12-02T11:32:00.001+08:00

Thinking about it, for the past few years, I've never gone to the doctor's alone. I hate seeing the doctor. If I'm there, it usually means it's escalated so badly and I usually end up tearing at the clinic because of feeling extremely sickly and all. I hate seeing the doctor. People always accompany me to the doctor's. Why am I so.. Spoilt. I think it's because at the time I admit I need a doctor, I'm really just defeated and I need someone to hold on to.

But it's fine. We all learn to grow up, right? (:

Eta

HAHAHAHHAHA after being grumpy my mom said she'd bring me!! WHY MY MOM SO SWEET AH I SWEAR EVERYONE SPOILS ME HEH <:

for fuck's sake

2011-12-02T01:09:00.000+08:00

today i wanted to die

.

I think I'm going slightly insane, this is the only way to deal with this

sometimes i cry and cry and feel like a little girl who got separated at the mall from her parents during christmas time.

and then I tell myself to shut the fuck up because. just because.

I DON'T CARE, WE ALL WORE BLUE

2011-12-01T01:57:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like a ninja. Like a capable, efficient ninja. I drop into people's lives and leave without making a mark.

Okay okay no I promise I shall lift this depressing cloud and try to deliver a nice entry with nice photos, okay? (: I know all my entries have been dismal of late, I APOLOGISE. I am going through a hard time and it's difficult to go through an hour without experiencing fluctuations of all kinds. I tell my best friend that I want to die, I tell her I want to disappear, I tell her that I just want to cry and cry and cry. Which is just.. wrong. Which friend can take that kind of words?

So I'll try to be okay.

REPLYING TAGS FIRST:

mich:
HOW CAN U BE AFRAID OF BALLOONS!!!

Haha Idk I just am scared of them popping! And when people twist them it makes such a scary sound *shudder

zhi wei:
*HUGZ!* (eh... the z was deliberate I swear I can't ever pronounce plurals with a z /random)

YAYzx exams're over! Time to hit the library? (:

sinyee:
good luck for your paper!! accounting is HORRIBLEEEEEEEE

THANK YOU YEEE. I died for it though, bond payable came out and I was clueless D:

ver.:
Nyak

Veevee, life sucks now. Ni yao lai bao wo ma?

joanne:
beepbeep. i love u gan ma BU YAO FANG QI

Mei you fang qi, ai si ni. Bu neng ku, hao ma? *hugs

Huda:
you Will be okay.

(:

flea:
i love you

I love you too.

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT, love y'all.

I realised the power of photos, of texts. Of past photos and texts. They can bring you back to a happy moment, where you savour happy memories and smile to yourself. Conversely, they can hurt you, and make your heart ache so badly..

But here're some happy photos, which will be much needed for me, and maybe refreshing for you. Since I've been nothing but depressed these few weeks. UNLESS YOU LIVE OFF MY DEPRESSION WHICH WOULD BE POSITIVELY EVIL LA OKAY!?!?

Anyway THE SIX OF US FINALLY WENT OUT TWO MONTHS BACK!! *HALLELUJAH* After almost close to a year of not meeting up as a whole group? (: This time, all of us wore blue! Okay I'm stretching it but we did all wear a little blue, c'mon *defensive

First photo taken with the IPHONE!! :D

The resolution's freakin' shitteous! D:

We went to Genki Sushi at Orchard Central for a late lunch. :D

Why the logo so cute!

WHY MY HAIR SO UNRULY! I look like a happy lion.

Liz, Vong, & Miss Neo! VONG IS WEARING BLUE SHORTS HAHAHAHA

Flea Ng :D

Miss Neo with her Kani Chawanmushiiiiiiii

And here's my normal one :D

I used to always patronize the outlet at Novena's United Square (it has closed since then, please don't visit it!), and I used to really enjoy it more than Sakae Sushi. I'm super happy another one has opened at OC! :D Plus they've upgraded their system, look:

The plate gets sent to you on a super cute train looking thingyyyyyyyyy. It speeds to your table and then,

You press a button to send it back! If you forget to do so there'll be this beep reminder thingy

Liz :D

With her terriyaki chicken don

Gannuer with Selamat! YOU BETTER TAKE GOOD CARE OF MY GANNUER

The focus of this shot is not how unglam they look eating (WAHHAHAHA), it's the little girl behind them! So cute right :D Whenever this happens to me, I mean, having lil' children pop up behind my head and breathe down my neck, I always turn to smile at them -- and they usually get scared away. LOLOLOL no I'm kidding. Usually they'll be shy and pop back down though

Hana maki! FUCKING LOVE THIS. The combination of mayonnaise and raw salmon is amazing. It is soooo creamy

Happy fed girls :D

THIS. Is sea urchin.

Yes, I can tell what you must be thinking, "EW, sea urchin? Ick"

The expression on Flea's face can only be described as pensive.

BUT she liked the damned thing! I tried a little, and a shudder went down through my body. YUK it was strange. I think it's supposed to be really nice to people who like eating raw stuff like oysters and scallops though.

Dk what this is

ANOTHER OF MY FAVS. Lobster gunkan. :3 I swear, I just need these two and I'm a satisfied girl hahahahahaha

We bumped into Mr. Leow on the way down. I thinkkkkkkkkk. It must have been very odd for our secondary three chemistry teacher to have seen us, if he compares our current selves to our secondary school selves. D:

We headed to Cold Stone Creamery on the ground floor for dessert! I hadn't tried it before, so yeah. OHH and yes, Selamat treated us all to lunch. :D Thanks S! \o/

It was also the first day which I used my new phone :3

All unglam shots credited to Flea Ng

Whom was wearing NYX Lip cream in Milan, as gifted by Madam! Think it suits her really nicely. :3 I HAVE FAB TASTE TRALALALA~

And I also get caught laughing like a fag on the camera all the time

Whilst I am kind and make people like Alice pose nicely for photos. Okay one might say that's not really doing anyone favours BUT people around me have used photos taken by me for their profile pictures okay! I find that a great joy hahaahaahahaah

The ice cream wasn't very nice though. It was kinda bland, actually ._.

I was wearing NYX lipstick in I've forgotten what shade. It's scarily red

Zhiwei with her ice cream (:

Vong-er! True ice cream fan who was saying it's nice. And that marble slab creamery is also nice. Which is something Miss Neo and I disagree to. *eyebrow twitches

HAHAHAHAH look at the air bubbles. I had tried to put on a screen protector myself but it turned out.. I had tried to stick on one layer of plastic along with the screen protector hurhurhurhurhur

Here are some random shots

And of course we took group shots! :D Joven came earlier so we asked him for help using my camera, while Selamat used his friggin' pro dslr.

SEE, WE ARE ALL WEARING BLUE. A lil' bit of blue, at least :3 (If you've read my blog since a long time ago, there was this one time where five of us wore blue without planning to, with only zhiwei wearing red. :x and I'm just being a twat now)

Flea and I were both wearing highwaisted shorts passed down from our mommas respectively. ._. IKR, what are the odds?!? I'm pretty amazed I can fit into my mom's though, it is mega tight. Flea's is ultimate cool, it has this Irish feel hahahaha

Love this girl, to the max. (:

This was a candid shot; I turned my half into:

And it was my fb profile picture for awhile, heh

Taken by me, because miss bossypants wanted to make sure Joven would take the following exactly the way I wanted wahahahahaa

Told Gannuer she looked very skinny in this shot and that I was going to steal her touch my own waist and point leg to the side pose :x

I was pouting because they had absolutely no interest in posing for photos HAHAHAH and I have no clue why Miss Neo's butt is so QIAO. LOOK!! *smacks her ass

And some of us are posing for my camera and some for S' camera. I don't even want to think about how ugly I look in his photos (I mostly posed for mine wahhaah)! Gannuer don't let him upload the photos okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Joven, Flea and I then went to the flea at Cine to get a proper screen protector for my baby, and whilst waiting we had dessert (flea and I skipped ice cream heh) at this bluish cafe place in *scape which kept playing goddamn super old strange chinese songs!

Seeing myself look so happy makes me want to try to be happier now, in a way..

Shared with Joven! Shaved iced mango :D

WE BUMPED INTO BELLE AT THE FLEA! She had a booth set up with her cousins and was selling kpop stuff. Hahahahaaha omgosh the two of us crazed idiots made the noisiest commotion when we saw each other. "OMGGGG BELLE!!!" "OMGGGG PAMMMMM!!" It was so funny. I MISSED YOU BELLA! (: So happy for you that you've graduated and gotten a job!!

Bidded farewell to the primary school mate, and browsed through a bit of the flea stuff. After awhile, Flea left. Joven and I wandered around town and ended up at Shaw House's Pepper Lunch for dinzx~

My hamburger set! Hadn't eaten Pepper Lunch for quite some time but still decided on this. I always always always have this, I don't know why. I like mashed up unidentified meat and I'm a sucker for fried eggs I suppose

Joven's hamburger and wagyu beef set. It was the most expensive set on the menu, the beef is pretty good though! I doubt it's extremely good quality wagyu beef but it's really good heh. :x

He had worked part-time at Pepper Lunch before, it's funny to know what the employees are supposed to do/say, lololol. And since he couldn't take a proper photo for me, I had to take one myself:

ALSO PHAIL. I seriously don't know how V does it! Lololol take a shot with her food, I mean.

FAVORITE BROWN SAUCEEEEEEEEE :DDDDD

Mine was the caramel (: DAMN NICE, I LIKEEEEEEE

At his insistence that he looks very different without specs -_-"

And me in my fake specs :3

DINZ was a treat from Joven! :D YAY \o/ love it when guy friends treat me to stuff. I know this isn't good for equality of sexes but whatever, that can be pursued by someone who's richer than me. :x He treated me to Crazy Stupid Love too! I really enjoyed the movie but he fell asleep. -_- The sappy part of me kept tearing when Steve Carell's character and his wife had touching moments, and also Emma Stone's character! BUTTTTT the perv part of me kept lusting for Ryan Gosling's body. AND HIS SMILE. DAMN WHY DO THEY NOT MAKE GUYS LIKE THAT HERE IN SINGAPORE?!?! WHY IS RYAN GOSLING SO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE

And that marks the end of my first post towards recovery. I guess, in a way, this is helping a little. Happiness, you're not far away. If you're reading this, if you're an acquaintance, if you're kind, please just ask me out and spend time with me, because I'll be distracted, because I'll have a good time out with you, and most importantly, you won't hurt me. I know you won't, not in the way that he did.

2011-11-30T01:33:00.001+08:00

Hi dearest blog. I haven't been here because I haven't had the courage to deal with my feelings.

Wo shi ben dan, wo shi bai chi, zhi you ben dan cai neng zhen me ai ni.

2011-11-28T03:04:00.002+08:00

haven't felt so happy in a long time.

but.. we should never ever settle for second place.

Right?

fuck this, im damn tired of crying

2011-11-27T09:32:00.002+08:00

"saturday bf & lunch w my love"

i don't think you understood how important you were to me. in small ways which may seem insignificant, in the slightest ways which touched my heart..

and i'll keep falling, i'll keep asking for you, but i know ultimately, i will not be happy. how much have you made me cry? even though at moments like these, i feel horribly lonely, i know, somehow, i will get through this. maybe not in weeks, not in months, but i will be okay.

2011-11-26T23:58:00.001+08:00

So I thought I'd be kind to my body, not cry anymore today, and sleep early. But I held on to my nose and had the most insane sneeze ever, now my head feels like it's gonna BURST and the pressure in my ears is INSANE OMGGGGGG WTF THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM SUFFERING FROM SUCH A THING. MY EARS ARE RINGING OMG OMG OMG

2011-11-26T22:23:00.000+08:00

I will be okay.

2011-11-26T12:03:00.001+08:00

Everytime I feel like crying in public, I am reminded of aj's gp prelim paper's aq on dignity, and think to myself "No, you're a dignified girl, bu yao ku, bu ke yi ku" and it helps a little.

I think.. I might take a very long while to get over this.

Someone

2011-11-25T23:47:00.001+08:00

Help

Ive never been so badly hurt before.

Eta

I hope a truck hits me tmrw before 9am

only yourself to blame, dear

2011-11-25T18:47:00.001+08:00

Pamela, oh, Pamela.

You astonishingly, amazingly, incredibly, dimwitted young lady. You saw the signs, you knew this was coming, yet you plunged in. You're not even worth a simple call of five minutes, you have to be slotted in, into a timetable, you are worth n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

To you maybe, but to many others..

(:

This was what I was doing at six in the morning.

Because this is what normal people do. Go to sleep at two am, then wake up at 4am, in anxiety, then roll around taking nonchalant photos because of nonchalant and candid texts.

Ah I took fifteen photos. No wonder I'm down on my luck.

I swear, I'm going insane.. because I actually started believing in something better.

2011-11-25T11:00:00.001+08:00

One. You never even said "I missed you"

Two. I told you countless times my paper's tomorrow.

The uncertainty and sadness you make me feel, makes me feel like I'm being overwhelmingly selfcentred. It makes me doubt myself, and think whether I'm actually worth anything, because you don't seem to care. Everytime I think about you my breathing quickens my eyes tingle my nose warms and I just want to sob and sob and sob. Because you don't care. And you don't realize it. So before I bomb exams because of you again, I should take the shattered pieces of my heart elsewhere to a place where I won't be affected by you.

Thank you Huda for all my yellow hearts.

>:

2011-11-25T01:49:00.001+08:00

I'm defeated.

Accounting, please just get your fucking debit and credit balances out of my sight, and adjust yourself far far away from me. AHHHH NO I CAN'T. Three more chapters to go, I can do this. BUT FUCK I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DEBIT OR CREDIT OR WHEN MUST HAVE EXPENSE OR WHEN MUST HAVE PAYABLES OR WHAT RATIO TO USE HOW FUCK I AM SCREWED FUCK FUCK FUCK. . Okay breathe Pamela breathe. It's one last time. Saturday. 9am. MPSH for the last time this month. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

This is agony. I feel so restless I just want to scream. I hope I'm not late for this last paper though. For my previous two papers, I had gotten lifts from Zhiwei (either her papa or her mama)! :3 HEH SO LUCKY RIGHT. Thanks my darling Zhiwei-san! Love you max.

.

My mouth is currently housing three ulcers due to my not drinking enough plain water hurhur. My mom told me to gargle with salt water and I almost gagged after doing it. It made me think of how she (&my grandma) used to put sugar on our cut lips whenever we hurt ourselves. I don't think there is any medicinal use, right? They were just being kind. It fascinated me the way the blood mingled with the sugar into a thickened mess. In any case, it made me slightly eager to get injured just to get sugar on my mouth. I was a twisted kid right from the beginning. It never occurred to me that I could just get sugar by myself to eat, though.

*_* ;_; @_@

I sincerely haven't felt so much resentment for studying until this semester. All I want is to reaaaad, sing carols, and go out of Singapore to someplace with cobbled streets. And interesting streetlights. I want to eat KFC in malaysia 'cos everyone raves about it. This is going nowhere. Then I think about how fat I am now and keel over

My mind is filled with thoughts that should be banished. I feel like an option right now, and it's making me feel so disgusted with myself.

*POUTS LIKE THE PHOTO ABOVE

7 BIL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS BULLSHIT

2011-11-24T19:09:00.001+08:00

My mom says my thighs resemble an elephant's thighs now. I think it's to be expected because all I do is take flu medicine, eat, fall asleep, wake up, eat more, then sleep. FAT LIKE MAD HOW SHIIIIIIT. D:

Eta

While eating dinner, she saw me pulling out a can of lemon tea and went "Wa you're drinking soft drinks now?" (because during my period of starvation last semester I stopped drinking sweetened drinks and stayed away from carbs) I shall park my fat arse away from the mother. Sigh

pardon my idiosyncratic ways

2011-11-23T09:04:00.002+08:00

Did you know, when you say grammar error, the underlying representation is actually error of grammar, and when you say grammatical error, it's an adjectival phrase, but they both refer to the same thing?

.

been shivering under the covers perspiring like mad, hope I am not falling ill but my body feels too warm.

something like you

2011-11-23T04:54:00.000+08:00

Sometimes..

I wish I was braver
I wish I am not afraid

I wish that I could face the world alone

"You hurt me,

you can't just charm your way out"

I don't think you'll ever understand

everytime I fall ill

2011-11-22T23:19:00.000+08:00

wahlaoeyyyyyy

NOSE, STOP ITCHING LEH

i sneezed consecutively for half a minute. it was those kind of HEE-YA-CHOO that my grandma did last time that cause my bro and i to burst into uncontrollable sniggers

me:
*jumps onto bed*
WHAT Y'WATCHING AH

th:
true blood
season 3

me:
season 3 very short
'cos of the strike that the writers' guild went on
Y'KNW WHAT I TALKING ABOUT NOT, OR D'YOU NOT KNOW GENERAL KNOWLEDGE LIKE THIS, DUMBASS (our terms of endearment are restricted to DUMBASS, FAGGOT, SHITFACE and so on, in the same vein)
*skips out of room*

th:
SOOOOKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

me:
*moronic laughter

th:
the shuai-est is Eric

me:
IKR

brother, why your random spurts of cuteness?!?! makes me suspect we're related afterall. Okay sorry *pukes blood

Okay can feel the flu pill taking effect. SHALL FINALLY SLEEP EARLY FOR ONCE. even though my el paper left me feeling shellshocked this evening, it is okay. because this is the last time i'm letting you affect me

i look very cui one. but i can pretend to be happy and look not-as-cui la hor?

i LOVE USING CSE PARTICLES WAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA LA LEH LOR HORRRR EHHHHHHHHH KENNOT ISIT

Alone

2011-11-22T11:14:00.001+08:00

I've been waking up to an empty house for the past couple of days, because the males leave the house for work and for school pretty early, and the mom would be at the park getting her exercise. I proceed to fumble with the papers and sip my coffee, feeling melancholic. Then I get down to my chores, even though revision for papers isn't exactly completed, but if I don't do them, mom has to, but she has her own chores; running about outside of house going to and fro from town to my grandma's then returning home takes a toil on her.

I keep crying these few days, and that is because I've been extremely stressed out. Lord, I know I'm not the worst off, not even by a long shot, but dear lord, please, could you find it in your heart to keep away people whom make me unhappy, and bless me with ones whom put a smile on my face?

At times like these I'm utterly grateful for Huda, because she is who she is, and she understands completely the way I feel.

2011-11-22T09:12:00.002+08:00

and in this moment, i am utterly defeated

all i really want to do right now, is keel over and die a pathetic death

where is your boy tonight

2011-11-21T08:52:00.004+08:00

I have a paper tonight, and my mind's wandering so badly. You may be angry with me but couldn't you understand my point of view? Honestly.. really wish y'said something more. I really want to spew a whole string of hokkien vulgarities -- which y'knw i don't do -- so I should probably go bury my head in more herbs and wish for a valerian-hops preparation to sedate myself. Then a comatose me would appear for finals.

Damn it.

A lil' bit of Something Corporate before I pretend I'm another person, then. When this is done & over with, I'll buy myself a pair of slingbacks and lounge in a uniform of sweaters and jeans. Because this ain't fucking worth it.

Whenever down, think of brother imitating Bill in True Blood going "Soo-kayyyyyy" in the texas accent and give a short imbecilic snort. Then resume glum expression.

eta

she's a pretty girl
she's always falling down
and i think i just fell in love with her

OKAY FUCKING CRYING AGAIN, WHY, PAMELA NG, WHY. )':

on the sidelines

2011-11-20T21:44:00.003+08:00

& the song is called
"Do it for me now"

*

On Twitter,

I tweet impulsively when I'm down and delete them straight after, because I don't want people to think I'm down.

.

Is it such a bad thing to be seen unhappy?

Personally, I think, someone's prettiest when tears are streaming down their cheeks..

.

I think, in my mind, I will forever, and ever, remain inadequate. I will never be enough, and because of that, I am running away.

Went back to all my favs today. AVA, the allamerican rejects, adele, maroon 5, +44, michelle branch, fall out boy, boxcar racer accompanied me today.

From Dada! :3 they're so cheery they make me smile.

Let's forget this all
Move on

Forward looking, forward looking, Pamela, be! When exams are over, I will use my camera in manual mode (I've had my baby for over a year and yes, I've been using it in auto mode *sheepish in my defence it's a semi-pro and altering the settings is a pain! But.. those are excuses. I'm going to try my hardest!). I will start baking and learn to cook at least two Chinese dishes (ginger&chicken because it stimulates gastrointestinal activities. Or does is it a immunostimulant? HELP). I will start on New Girl, and True Blood season 4 (; And rewatch One Tree Hill wahahahaahaha. (: I will exercise and exercise until I become a skinny bitch! \o/

I faintly remember breathing on your bedroom floor
where I lay and told you
but you sweared you loved me more

Today, my neighbour's son came over to pass my family something. When their family first moved in, the granny was still with us. They're a Cantonese family, and she used to ask me something which I didn't understand. After asking my mom, I managed to reply to her, always "Yes, went to school!" When they first moved in, the son and the daughter were fresh graduates out in the corporate world. I was asleep one Sunday morning when a riot occurred next door; the groom with his BRUHS to pick up his lady. Yes, the lady's girlfriends asked for angpaos. Yesterday, my neighbour, the mom, saw me, and said "Wa ni yue lai yue piao liang hor (you're getting prettier)!" I embarrassedly said no, and asked after the chihuahua which had clickettyclacked his way out. "Oh his fur has dropped so much!" I exclaimed. "Aye, he's getting old," she replied. "NICKY, how are you?" I asked in the silly manner dog lovers do (I make an exception for my neighbour's chihuahua, I don't usually like chihuahuas. But dogs are dogs are dogs.)

Today, my neighbour's son came over to pass us a cake, because his daughter had turned a month old.

_

The most -liked- comment on the youtube page is:

"I heard this song for the first time in late '05. One of my best friends & I were hugely into finding new music. After hearing a new song for the first time, we'd discuss what we thought it was about. After this one, I said I loved it, but it was pretty obvious what it was about. He said, "Yeah. It's how I feel about you." At the time, we'd been friends for 7 years. Today, we've been married for 3, and of course, this song was played at our wedding."

could this be out of line
could this be out of line
to say you're the only one
breaking me down like this

you're the only one
i would take a shot on

keep me hanging on\so contagiously

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, FINALS

2011-11-20T09:44:00.003+08:00

;{)>

walking away..

this is the time where listening to my heart is right, and listening to my brain is right, too, because they're both saying the same thing -- this is not worth it.

EXAM TMRW!!!
(that is my crazed face + Dada at th side)

lights will guide you home

2011-11-19T21:41:00.003+08:00

fix you\coldplay

over & over.

.

guess y'couldn't tell i was down, or that i couldn't bear to let y'knw that i was down

of fears

2011-11-19T18:01:00.003+08:00

I dreamt that y'were teasing me to step on the upriding escalator, and with a touch of defiance, I did. A mom with three kids -- two boys, a girl -- were in front of us. The lil' girl was just a toddler, shy of five years maybe? She stopped midway, at the stretch where we change escalators, and shook her head. Her mom, holding her brothers, turned back and beckoned for her to continue walking; holding each other, we turned our heads back and forth from the busy mother to the frightened child, and for a brief moment, I contemplated walking back for her.

But she took a step forward, herself.

*

Taking afternoon naps after the lil' pink pill never fails to give me the strangest dreams. They feel so realistic. The raw fear I feel in dreams makes me the most vulnerable; I always wake up feeling lost and confused and afraid.

I suppose reality weaves its way into my dreams too -- I was at Hougang Mall the other day and I braved the escalators alone up to the fourth floor to get to the foodcourt. ._. To some, this achievement is laughable, but to my friends, they'll understand. I genuinely get really scared when I've to face heights. I almost chickened out to take the lift down, but I decided, to hell with it, and ~~stared~~ squinted intensely at my phone the whole way down.

Then again, human beings are astonishing creatures, no?

(I'm afraid of balloons too)

.

Replying tags,

Tiffany:
Why my face so epic in one of the photos hahahahahhaha

HI BABEEEEEEEEE. Haha idk!

ver.:
so old bahhaa!! OMG LAST PHOTO IS EPIC. HAHAHAHA. FATASS TIME. Anyway, (hearts)

Lololol nostalgic, eh?

Huda:
wah sian i want icecream now.

I've been on icecream diet for the past few days

Joanne:
beepbeeepbeeeeep I'm slightly woozy while typing this haaha

*smacks butt

mich:
you know im simply waiting till fri to hear about everything!

Heehee, nothing much t say babe! :x

anna:
i think you should just remove your tagboard

Nope, no thank you

hm:
you left out the part where the angmo guy thought i was you LOL

LOL forgot about that. Club together after finals? :3 when's your last paper?

joanne:
ohhhhhh i see alcoholllllll

Yup go ahead, drink yourself to death -_- "

ver.:
LOL @hm's comment!!!
Pamela has makeup and hm doesnt! Hahahaah

To any drunk Caucasian man, two Chinese girls would look the same

Flea:
You look so fucking cute! *squeee

WHOOP!

Huda:
hugyou.

Heh which emo entry was this for?

flea:
add me on skype!

ADDED

passer:
hi pamela, i have to say that i didn't have a good first(s) impression of you but, after following your blog for a while and seeing how you respond to haters, i've grown to like and admire your..
.. outlook on life. keep being yourself and being happy. so what if you're the drama queen and obsessive camwhore? gd luck!

HAHAHAHAHAAHAH oh my. Thanks, eh? Y'too mate, good luck!

sinyee:
awww i like your black hair!

AWW really Yee? I think I'm growing it out..

huda:
y u no update. *yunoguy*

*shakes fists

Huda:
OHNO SO HUNGRY OH NO OH NO OH NOOOO. (your grams is ADORABLE, my goodness!) and i am sorry for pangsehing you, i promise i will make it up to you HAHAHAH.

HAHAHAAHAH yeah right. Pangseh queen.

Molly:
Babe! You went to Fish N Chicks! Walk up that slope and up up up a little more is where I stay now! Haha even I've never tried their food... Oops.

BABE! Come back soon &we'll go have it :3

ver.:
im back in singaporeee!

MEET UP AFTER EXAMS, YES YES?

Huda:
Hhahaha tbh I don't feel the difference! But then again my computer's screen is large; can you imagine having a 1024px resolution? ;_; good grief.

Eh isn't that.. good? ._. Oh I had already increased once without telling you. Y'knw, like transport price hike, must increase slowly so no one notices, instead of jamming it up sky high once. Hurhur. On normal screen the vertical shots're cut off, irks me slightly but it's fine, I'll get used to it, meep.

joanne:
booya

'ello lovely gannuer :3

Thank you all for tagging, y'make my day (:

The sun, oh the sunny sun

2011-11-17T09:32:00.001+08:00

I stayed up too long even after I was drowsy yesterday, after taking a flu pill, and when I finally collapsed into bed, my heart was pounding and my mind was racing. I kept tossing and turning as if I was tumbling around in a dryer. Plans were made in my mind, things were mumbled through incoherent speech -- when I finally was dozing off, I get a call from my brothers asking me to open the door because my mom had locked it. Like thanks Ng brothers?!

Now my sunnies are perched on my nose bridge like my shield. The world with its unhappy frowns is too much to bear! I feel so dramatic today. *brings hand to brow* I am going to see Zhiwei after so long! I am going to buy toffeenut frappe (YES I STILL HAVEN'T HAD IT, dear god) today I don't care if I'm super full or if I should worry about the calories or if I am broke I need some happiness!

I take care of my mother now, like how she took care of me last time. I take care of my friends like how I always have. I am super mama, best mother figure ever! I am so ridiculous today and it is stupendous. I have a bunny hanging on my neck.

The only thing about blogging from my phone on public transport is that I can't italicise my words, nor bold them. Is there a verb form for bold? Bolding? Embolden? It sounds so horribly wrong. Oh, and that the commuters next to me seem to be peeking over my shoulders at my furious typing. I should devise a plan to utilize my hair to cover my phone somehow.

I miss you.

God I'm tired. Please make something better, somehow.

I feel like I'm falling\into you

2011-11-17T00:17:00.002+08:00

HAPPINESS OCCURS WHEN I LISTEN TO THIS KIND OF MUSIC

.

So Miss Neo kindly informed me that the two tests which I got D for both have a 20% weightage which means I still have time to save my fucking ass. I love Miss Neo for being here for me all the time. )'; Regardless of what she says to me:

Zhiwei:
20% for project, 20% for test, and the rest's final exam. Errr I think the TCM and herbal medicine parts need to know details. ***'s part, eh I remember he said don't need to rmb specific clinical trials. Aww dearie you are NOT a failure. Don't let this get you down!! ):

Me:
OH I GOT HOPE STILL OMG. :/ I sincerely wish I got at least 26 for the el test. If not please report my death from the seventh floor of biz building tmrw. Okay. I hate ***. Tcm and herbs must remember more right? God.

Zhiwei:
Nooooo please don't (Bedok reservoir is more fashionable now though. Ok that was a morbid joke). I think el should be okaaay though, since most of our answers fit Bao's explanation during tutorial?

.

OKAY I'LL BE THE.. NINTH?? EIGHTH?? BODY FLOATING IN BEDOK RESERVOIR. Hahahahahahahahahaha I'm just kidding.

I expanded my blog layout for the third time, I'm increasing photo size again. WHOOP WHOOP \o/ Here are some which I like:

(this is original size though; I koped it from previous album)
MISS NEO!! Star of this entry

Larger photo! Taken during NUS rag

BOSS!! Star of previous entry

best x

best x

poser boy x

best x

fav

"I REFUSE TO POSE"

I named this "Spoiltbrat"

See how happy y'make me?

FINISHING OFF WITH MY HUSBAND:

fucking best x

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

All taken with nex 5 with panorama function last December

- in case y'feel left out, I love the rest of you just as much too!

Ciaociao,
P

fucking worthless

2011-11-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

I've never gotten a D for any test before, and this semester, two Ds have settled on my scoresheet.

.

I never complain when I procrastinate, because I know it's my fault when I procrastinate, and I just don't -- see why I should complain when it's my own fault. But this time? It's not the mood, it's not anything, I just don't want to, and don't feel like reading any of the things that I have to. I'm not interested in any of the things that I'm taking this semester, save for the only interesting one, the sound system of English.

I spoke to Boss on the phone yesterday, and I'm so glad I did. He's like the rock in my life. Regardless of any fucked up events, he will always be there. He made a joke out of it, saying that that's what I usually say, but I end up doing okay. But this time, I genuinely feel like I'm going to fail.. something. A fucking D, for fuck's sake?

"I don't understand though, why suddenly like that?"

I don't know why. I really don't, can someone tell me why? It's not even that I'm being lazy, I just read and read and read and try my hardest to commit this information to my mind and nothing's working. Well I must admit that I played a lot this semester. It was as if last semester I cried so much, I was so down I just kept focusing on schoolwork to pull me through, and this semester we became alright, and I just don't care about schoolwork at all. Granted those two tests occurred right after F1 weekend. But I didn't study sufficiently before that, why? I kept meeting friends I kept going out it's my own fault, right? But.. it's not that simple. I feel like I'm taking on so much more and I'm fucking tired. It's as if everything's has built up and built up and now it's crashing. This is not the right time to be thinking that not everything's about education and that I should be enjoying myself, FUCK THAT PAMELA THAT WAS JC PRELIMS, THAT WAS JC ECONS. This is English, why are y'messing up your passion?

.

I am damn down.

I am talentless and I am nothing.

Fuck.

.

On a completely unrelated note, this is a prose by Miss Noorhuda Amalina bte Abdul Rahman (please tell me I got this right). I really like it. And with her permission I am posting it:

\your hand in mine

It never happened very quickly. In fact I never knew it was there until one day it was, when it suddenly dawned upon me that it had happened. No amount of persuasion could make it budge. It was there to stay until one day it wasn't; in the same way it came, it would leave, and there was nothing to do about it.

*

The cobbled streets gave way to romantic notions of secret affairs-- they hinted of whispered words tucked in the curl of his hair at the nape of his neck-- bleary-eyed mornings, half-dressed, a cup of coffee in one hand, the other rubbing his eyes in a desperate attempt to wake. He stopped mid-sip and looked me in the eye-

"I can't do this any more."

"Why?"

"Because I can't, okay? This is too much for me, I don't know what we're doing any more, I just can't."

"Then go."

*

He came back. He always came back, and in spite of what I said, I knew I wanted him to come back. The tinkling of keys at my door always brought forth a bubbling of utter delight, my hands involuntarily clutching at whatever I was holding as though making sure I wasn't dreaming. In that single moment between his absence and his presence lay an unwavering hope for the impossible.

But I had trained myself to look completely unruffled by his presence. Every time he came back, shame-faced and abashed, I threw him a cursory glance, and a careless hello, hoping against hope he didn't notice the riot of colour that pinked my cheeks, or how I was trembling, trembling, trembling.

"I-- I'm back."

"I can see that."

"I'm back for good, now."

"That's what you always say."

*

One day he left without a word, and I stayed silent for days on end, just waiting for the tinkle of keys by the door, or the distinct shuffle of his steps. When he came back after three months of muted existence, I stared at him wordlessly, thoughts fleeting in and out of my head.

We fell into bed that night, bodies coiled into each other like the curl of a comma, his arm around my waist, holding me so tightly we could have been one person. I fell asleep with my head pillowed on his arm, my heart heavy with joy, my lungs choked from three months of asphyxiation.

*

I stared at him, a cup of coffee in one hand, the other attempting to smother a yawn that had escaped from the dregs of slumber. His eyes were barely open as he scanned the daily headlines, muttering to himself like he always did when he read the papers.

"I can't do this any more."

He turned to me and blinked.

"Sorry?"

"I can't do this any more."

"This? Us? Didn't you want me to come back?"

"I did. I do. I always want you to come back. I'm always waiting for you to come back. All the time, even when you're here, I wait for you. Even sitting here, I wait for you to realise that I am always here, that I am always waiting for you. I can't do this any more. I can't wait for you."

"Then go."

So I did.

\end

.

2011-11-14T10:05:00.000+08:00

HONEST TO BLOG (sorry Da I am borrowing this)

I want good photos, good photos right now.

>:(

NOTE TO SELF: WHEN Y'FIND SOMEONE WITH WHOM Y'CAN SING WELL WITH, NEVER LET GO OF THAT PERSON *CLINGS TO FLEA LIKE A LIFEBUOY

PS I will only date someone whom can sing nicely to me >:(

2011-11-14T04:47:00.000+08:00

..

Hi I am in love with a boy who does not exist.