Today was one of those mega bad days that people talk about.
It really was pretty shitty.
I'd slept late because I was over at Flea's helping her out with stuff, but woke up early because I'd an 8am class. When I was about to leave the house, I realised I hadn't my appointment card with me for my appointment later. Unfortunately, I'd done a little packing over the last few weeks so that little rectangular piece got thrown into the deep abyss known as the study desk drawer, so I spent 20 minutes looking for it. I finally found it, and left the house. After walking a little distance away from the void deck, I couldn't stand my socks because they were too loose and kept falling down. I decided it was worth it to return to the house and made a change to flats instead. Finally leaving the house once more, I made it to the bus stop. ... Only to realise that I hadn't brought my EZ link card with me when the bus was nearing. Flustered, I hurriedly made my way back to my house yet another time to get my EZ link card. By then, it was too late to consider taking public transport so I got into a cab. However, there were traffic jams everywhere and I only reached school at 8.30am with a hefty 33.50SGD cab fare which totally cleared out my wallet - I actually didn't have enough cash, thank goodness the uncle didn't mind receiving 50c less. ): I couldn't sleep on the cab ride to school because my mind was so disturbed by all these incidents that all I could do was try to calm down. My lecturer then decided to end class at 9.30am so I had less than an hour's worth of lecture. I also realised I didn't bring my mobile charger out and my phone wasn't fully charged. Spending hours with an extremely dim iPhone screen and with no 3G, a very tired mind and body, yet just being unable to fall asleep, I went for my appointment in the afternoon. Where I then had to wait more than an hour for my turn, during which the voice in my mind kept screaming and screaming and screaming and just wouldn't shut up. I was whimpering, just like the little children around me. Felt so miserable and cold and my neck was aching so badly all I could do was tug my cardigan closer to me and wish my turn would come. When it finally did, it was only to confirm details which I already knew, which did nothing to calm the uneasiness in my mind.
Today was a bad day.
Why do I cry when you say it, but not when it's mentioned elsewhere? Maybe I feel like I can be myself, hence show my vulnerability, when I'm with you. Or maybe I'm childish, and I can take it out on you. Maybe I'm just not okay, and I don't know how to deal with it.
I wish you'd be a little more thoughtful.
I need help. The days are going by harder than I thought.
Labels: portia
