I live near a primary school.  Recess time is especially noisy.  So is PE.

Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for me.  Self-doubt seemed to be the Soup of the day, and boy was I wallowing in that icky, sticky, soup.  I was drowning in it and my tears were the condiments to it.  

I'm always pretty forthright on my blog.  So here's the cause of my worry:  I'm stressing out over the assignment I was given for my second interview.  I actually have a deadline that's not too near, and all that I've been tasked to do is achievable - I have done a sizable amount of what needs to be done - but I keep getting paralysed by fear of not being able to come up with something creative and not being able to impress my interviewers.  It's absolutely a drag being this way; stress eats into you and when you keep questioning yourself, you reach a mental block instead.  NOTHING GETS DONE.

This is crazy.  I've come to realise that I'm the one who's giving myself undue stress.  This interview really is a chance for me to shine, and I'm pretty lucky to have had this opportunity soon after I had begun my job search.  The best situation that my presentation could result in is that I ace it and I get the job.  The worst thing that could happen?  I don't pass it, and I don't get the job. 

IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THAT.  While I would love to get the job, it isn't the end of the world if I don't get it.  However, being in the state that I was in yesterday, I wouldn't know if I could get the job, because I was already the one deciding that I'm talentless and useless.  I do really want this job, and I need to stop belittling myself if I'm ever going to complete this assignment.

To have completed 6 years of choir life and 22 years of academic life - 4 years of grueling university life - I can't believe here I am, so quickly throwing away the basic thing I've learnt over all these years.  Life is a show.  Interviews are a show.  School presentations are a show.  While I need to learn and know my stuff, I also need to anticipate and enjoy the fact that in a show, unexpected things occur.  The backdrop might start drooping in the second act, or you might do a wrong move from the rest of your choir.  I'd always been the kind of person who believed that with enough swag, you can shine like a star and leave the audience in awe - thank you Anderson sec choir for that. 

So yeah.  Not going to stop being that person.  

GONNA PUT ON AN AMAZING SHOW.


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Sidetracking a little, yesterday, two of my friends were really curt in their texts to me, and it shocked me a little.  They're usually very friendly and caring friends, and thus I wasn't expecting such curtness.  But because I was worried about my own predicament, I didn't ask them if they were alright.  I guess people aren't always having the best of days, and when two persons who're both having bad days rub off off each other's misery, nastiness can occur.  I just want to write this down as a reminder to myself to always be kind, even if I'm having a bad time, because it usually doesn't occur to me that people are also having a bad time.  It's never too late to drop a friendly text though!

If people are being childish, then well.  It's best to just ignore them.